Search Results from The Monk Bought Lunch
how about them apples, extended dance remix
So yeah, the wife and I took in a little small town Americana yestiddy. We drove out to Hilton NY, to visit the annual Apple Festival. Remember, I said it was little wet? Here's a little pictorial to flesh things...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :42
late nite talk show monologue joke, firewater and brimstone edition
Looks like Hugo Chavez got a lot of folks bent out of shape with his speech to the UN last week, in which he called George Bush an alcoholic and "the devil". But you know who I bet's really pissed...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :54
schlock star souper no-soul
Why do I do it to myself? Every night I seem to find myself slumped on the couch, emptily gazing at one "reality" program or another and hating myself for it. And the worst of them all? Rock Star....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :18
thanks, 'rome conference participants'!
Thanks for sending me that handy new phrase I ordered from the back of Boy's Life! I will "work immediately to reach with the utmost urgency" the mailbox, with your check....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :25
dada wednesday
Pudding Underpatents Waiting The Photographer's Shadow...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :00
stupid bloody tuesday
Apropos of nothing (is that the smarty-pants version of "not for nothin'"?): when you hear the name "Rosamunde Pilcher" are you unable to avoid thinking to yourself "climbing up the Eiffel Tower"? Just me? Oh....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :21
things i am not allowed to say because i have a penis, pt.1
God, I am so sick of women telling each other how "brave" and "strong" they are for every little thing, when ninety-nine times out of a hundred it is severely overstating the case....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :51
"I find your lack of pants disturbing"
Because everything's funnier with pants, I give you: Lines from Star Wars that Can Be Improved by Substituting Pants for Key Words. (viva Zeebahta)...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :56
monk's horoscope returns with the regularity of halley's comet
Born on this day: You probably can't read yet. Aries: Ay-REEZ! What is up? Come here, gimme some skin! Whoops! Sucka! Naw, I'm just kiddin'. We're friends right? We cool? Here, high five. Psyche! Haha! Naw, come here, I'm just...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :20
I heard the purple one's gay
More fun in the new world. Another chat with an Intellibuddy: >Intellibuddy: Hi, I'm Intellibuddy! Nice to meet you. >You: yeah you too >Intellibuddy: Yippee! Bless you. >You: tell me about jesus >Intellibuddy: The Son of God. >You: what else?...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :50
maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me
Robotic dolls that behave like babies addicted to drugs and alcohol are being used to teach teenagers on Teesside the dangers of drink and drugs. The dolls not only emulate the shaking and screaming associated with infant withdrawal symptoms. On...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :47
you go to a protest with the liberals you have, not the liberals you want
One thing I learned as a skinny, bespectacled, smarty-pants kindergartenerwas that you never, ever, let the bully see you cry. You cry, bully laughs and punches you in the stomach. Please sir- next time can I help you write your...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :38
war is zell
My right-wing pen pal sent me this Op-Ed by Zell Miller from the Washington Times, with this introduction: In view of the NY Times scandal with Jason Blair and his false reporting, Dan Rather with his forged documents, and ABC...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :18
the debate rules!
The presidential candidates negotiated the rules for the debates. This has never worked for me: "Okay, I'll play Scrabble with you, if I get to pick my letters from two piles- one for vowels and one for consonants. And I...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :25
The things you gotta do to get any comments these days
I just shit my pants....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :42
If I could toot my own horn I'd never leave the house!
Not that anybody who reads this lives in Rochester, but if it just so happens that you'll be in the area: boom boom presents… THE BLACKWATER ENSEMBLE’S Rebuilding the Future Like There’s No Tomorrow: Smarty-Pants Sketch Comedy for a New...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :21
monk's 'i had a dream- i had an awesome dream' continuous soft-rock horoscope
Your Birthday Today: You gotta look really really hot on your birthday. If you don't look really really hot you should just put on some sweat pants and stay home. You don't deserve a birthday. Aries: You will bicycle to...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :29
hey you guys!
As a guy who still calls Morgan Freeman "Easy Reader", I'll have to take some time to seriously peruse this site. (via Senor Pantalones)...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :49
make that fourteen
Don't ask me why, but I just put the word "pants" in the search box on this here blog and it came back with thirteen results. I've been doing this since, what, August? By my calculations that comes out to...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :47
the boxer rebellion
No Pants Day 2004 is Friday, May 7th...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :45
there's a party in my pants...
Ralph Nader enters race for President. Contrasting responses from the major parties: Democrats: A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush. Republicans: (Between squeals of laughter) Hey, a vote for anybody is a vote for Bush- we own the...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :55
I'm gonna steal your face
This site needs a Motorhead soundtrack. (stumbled over most recently at Mister Pants)...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :06
monk during superbowl: Could you please pass the cheese nips?
Good Superbowl this year, to my untrained eye, but did we have to see so much of that Patriots owner and his Giant Cufflinks? Also, it would've been more exciting if Justin Timberlake had repeatedly tried to pants the refs....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :43
the singer's gone but he's not forgotten
As if the Sex Pistol's reunion weren't sufficient to convince us of their irrelevancy, now Johnny Rotten, or Ol' Poopypants as I like to call him, is gonna be on one of them there reality programs. I think they put...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :47
Start Draggin' my heart around!
The friend that gets me a portrait of me and Stevie wins best friend ever for life. I don't suppose they'd do one of me blowing coke up her ass while Joan Jett rides me like a pony? (link via...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :38
Monk's minty not mediciny horoscope of the ever circling skeletal family
Your Birthday Tomorrow: Don't Fear the Reaper! Aries: In the sitcom of life, you are the wacky neighbor: Enter Airies, without knocking. Hold for applause. Taurus: A spaz by any other name would still spaz as spazzily, spaz. Gemini: Today,...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :04
Jacko homo: a quiz
OK- you're the parent of a pretty little 13 year old boy. A man who looks like Bette Davis' grandmother and is shaking like a Chihuahua approaches you and asks if your boy can come over for a slumber party....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :58
quiz
Monk tells everyone on Halloween night in his midsized Western New York city that he is dressed as a Metrosexual for Halloween. Most respond with "What's that?". Should Monk find this: a) refreshing b) dismaying c) potrzebie or d) Those...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :02
the kind of thing you might want to lick off your friend's nose...
I'm having a party this weekend and I'm trying to find a chip dip recipe that's gonna rock my guests' world(s). Nothing I found on the net really struck my fancy. I've already got salsa covered- I'm looking for something...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :31
monk's very scary smell my feet what are you supposed to be horoscope awooooo!
Your Birthday Today: Guy Fawkes Day is a much cooler holiday. Aries: Aries, well, let's come back to Aries. Taurus: Okay, we get it, you're stubborn. Now can we try going the speed limit? Gemini: I hate to steal horoscopes,...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :28
monk's "does my astrology look big in these pants?" horoscope of moral terpitude, (discernibly turgid edition)
Your Birthday Today: You will be "teabagged". Whether you like it or not. Aries: You're gonna lose that girl. Yes, yes, you're gonna lose that girl. Taurus: Today, though you feel like Benicio Deltoro, you look more like Benny Hill....
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :50
A Loaf of Bread and a Stick of Butter
I know several people who compulsively make lists. My theory is that it's a substitute for actually doing anything. Haven't they ever heard of alcohol? Anyway, I make lists too- but mine aren't really things to do. They're just lists...
Posted in The Monk Bought Lunch on :36
