hammer of the gods

Another note to my upstairs neighbors:
Okay, so you aren't grown up enough to know that 3:00 AM is probably not the time to START the party. You aren't smart enough to retain in your memory the fact that I work during, uh, working hours. You aren't thoughtful enough to turn the music down after my first polite request, or to stop wrestling or cockfighting or cat juggling or whatever it was you kept doing after turning the music down to a slightly fainter thump.
I think I know, now, the language you speak. It's the language of war.
Therefore, as long as my sleep is interrupted, so will yours. At around 7:00 AM each morning, which is about two hours after you have crashed from your meth high, you will be jolted upright by the sudden sound of electric hoofbeats erupting over the hillside, followed by Robert Plant's piercing howl:
Guhnuhgugunuhguh, Guhnuhgugunuhguh, Guhnuhgugunuhguh
"AAAAAH, AH! AAAAAAH, AH!"
Yes, I come from the land of the ice and snow, you dumb Springer rejects. Down in Tallahassee or Dogpatch or wherever it is you come from, you may not have known about people like me who don't look like much but are well capable of and willing to, fight nasty for the sanctity of their caves. Whatever dreams your feeble mind creates, and I can't imagine what they would be, will be trampled by Frazetta-esque images of mayhem. "Tales of gore", if you will.
Percy, Jimmy, Bonzo, and John Paul will provide a daily thunderous daily wake-up call until such time as I have a decent night's sleep.
So now you'd better stop, and rebuild all your ruins.

"my father was an exhaust manifold and my mother was a tree"

Happy 55th to Tom Waits.

(Thanks, Dana)

anchor management

When I first read this, I was all like "woah!". But then I thought it best to read it in light of this.
(via Maud and Vidiot, respectively)

"this is the caper we've been training for all our lives"

sometimes this is too easy.

smells like victory?

Looks like the US is using napalm, banned by UN 24 years ago, in Iraq.
We sure ain't usin' no "global test", is we?
(via Cursor)

yew stole mah stoe-ree!

If you haven't seen the film Secret Window, the following will mean nothing to you. But if you have, you'll know what I mean when I say "Gee, Mr. Rainey. I think I can save you some trouble".

dave's not (altogether) here!

Pot causes psychosis?
In the study conducted in Germany, researchers found that the risk of developing psychotic symptoms was much higher in young people with a pre-existing vulnerability to psychosis.

After adjusting for influential factors, such as social and economic status and use of other drugs, tobacco, and alcohol, the researchers concluded that cannabis moderately increased the risk of psychotic symptoms. (ANI)

If I ever see one of these "researchers" I'm gonna slit their fuckin' throats. But first? Nachos!

note to my upstairs neighbors

DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-
DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-
DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-
DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKABDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUP!DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKABDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUP!
to you too.

rail wrote

One might describe Kinky Friedman's NYT review of Jimmy Buffett's latest novel as a snow job:
There is a fine line between fiction and nonfiction, and I believe Jimmy Buffett and I snorted it in 1976.
(via the incomparable Maud)

I'd start one, but it probably wouldn't work out

Optimists club calls it quits
"I feel sad," club president Bernard Kensky said.