The Monk Bought Lunch

this is why parents blame tv for society's ills

When I read this story, I pictured the guy with the sword looking exactly like Dwight Schrute.

And that just set off a thought process that will probably follow me around all day, which isort of goes like this:
Dwight is the Frank Burns of The Office, and every good sit com needs a Frank Burns, and who is the Frank Burns of, say Cheers (I'd say Diane, although cases could be made for Frasier and Lilith). Insert your favorite show and ask "who is the Frank Burns of...". Also, what makes a Frank Burns character? They have to think they're much smarter than they are (which is not at all), delusions of grandeur helps but delusions of authority and power are a must, and they should be a near-contant target of the protagonists' taunts or pranks. And then there are the Winchesters, who are less-effective versions of the Frank Burns, because they are more sympathetic and less stupid.

And once again I think to myself "they're going to let me have a kid?!".

pssst! Hey kid!

Wanna shave a yeti?

you can't judge honey by lookin' at the bee

My colleagues already suspect me of having Tourette's, I'm sure, so there was no harm done when I expelled a "HA!" upon viewing this.
"Expelled"?

there's a house over yonder

From the desk of MONK
Memo
Re: HOUSE promo ads

In future, please refrain from using any of the following phrases:
Farther than ever
has he gone too far
how far will he go

I have some suggestions for alternative phraseology:
This week, House is all the way over there!
This week on House: Near! (thumpathumpathumpathumpathumpa) Far!
Will House walk off the edge of a cliff, look down, and hold up a sign that says "!" before plummeting to the bottom of the canyon and sending up a little cloud of dust?
Has anybody seen House? Have you looked "far"? How about "too far"?

ballim... tines? Valens time? what now?

Happy Feast Day of St. Catherine De Ricci!
She is famous for the "Ecstacy of the Passion" which she experienced every Thursday from noon until Friday at 4:00 p.m. for twelve years.

Occasionally 4:05.
But never at dusk!

16 words...

...and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt:

hey, are you friends with the martian manhunter? oh, that's the justice league. my bad.

The Catholic League's Bill Donohue:

...most 15-year-old teenage boys wouldn’t allow themselves to be molested

Well, Bill, I guess we'll have to defer to the expert on this one.

and speaking of fatty things

Can I be sad about how not-sad this makes me feel?

supper of the magi

So, due to recently-discovered high cholesterol levels, I've been told to stay away from cheese, sour cream, fatty things mostly. Meanwhile, my pregnant wife is told she needs to eat more fats: cheese, sour cream, etc.
It's like an O. Henry story. A really, really boring O. Henry story.

this meeting of the ellen james society is now adjourned

Collect your tongues at the door.

By which I mean the comments are working again.

Thanks, Anti!

i know i'm a troubled person...

... but there are about a hundred things that I find totally awesome about this story, not the least of which is this sentence:

"If you were just going to talk to someone, I don't know that you would need a wig, a trench coat, an air cartridge BB gun and pepper spray"

yes, but is he also a churning urn of burning funk?

Okay, stay with me here


I'm not saying Eliot Spitzer IS James Taylor, I'm just saying he used to do a JT tribute act (called One Man Dog) in a club in Easthampton, and he was merely trying to remember the words.

i see a red door and i want it painted black

Please join me in my campaign to turn "paint the front door" into an all-purpose euphemism.

I gotta go paint the front door.

ray kroc isn't dead- he's hiding in the hills in afghanistan

If my recent cholesterol levels are any indication, milkshakes, fries, and meatballs are a very credible threat.