"Nobody's gonna eat my pigs," Oehlerts said.
... were you also ordered to purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?
More and more, life imitates the Simpsons.
US Gov't, like Monty Burns, wants to block out the sun.
Scooter Libby employed the Bart Simpson defense.
The great thing about Ted Kennedy is he can say whatever he wants. He comes pre- swiftboated (or submarine-carred). What more could they possible do to him?
Maybe that's a bad question to ask about a Kennedy.
Anyway, watch him give it to the "other side" with guns blazin'. Good, clean, fun.
George, some notes: "decision-maker", while retaining some of the juvenile charm (and the Great Oz paynoattentionness), lacks the punch, the elan, of "decider".
Some suggestions:
Decisioneer. I think this has a certain swashbuckle to it. I'd go with this if I were you. That is, until some internets guy decides to call you Error Flynn. Oops.
Decisionator. Maybe stepping on Arnold's toes, but hell, he's a puny governor.
Choice-O-Matic. NOW how much would you pay?
The Mad Chooser What Chooses at Midnight
The King of the Echo People
Or you could really wow those squares and shout "I am the Hoodoo Guru!"
Ford Motor Company does its part to reduce our dependence on foreign oil by not selling any cars.
Like a Rock.
Yup, so comments are down. I'm working on it, but not very hard. Hold your horses.
Two things that were revelations to me this evening:
1. Malaria is a real crowd-pleaser!
2. Jim Lehrer's eyes remind me of a strange little woodland creature.
In yesterday's press briefing, a "reporter", Barbara Walters maybe, asked Tony Snow what his fave part of the SOTU was, and he said:
"You know, it's difficult to say. It's like looking in a drawer full of diamonds".
I've been rolling that around in my brainpan for awhile now:
like looking in a drawer full of diamonds.
I picture Snow rocking on a porch swing, drinking a lemonade:
"...and when that man speechified, it was lookin' in a drawer full o'diamonds, is what it was like..."
I wondered what my reaction would be if I opened a drawer to find it was full of diamonds. Hmmm,
"What the hell is that doing here? That can't be right. I should probably call the cops".
Okay, yeah. I'll go with "drawer full of diamonds" too.
*UPDATE: Apparently, Snow inadvertently made a very apt literary reference with his choice of words.
we got another UFO for ya.
Although, don't worry 'cause it was prob'ly one of ours.
Wait- did I say don't worry?
If you are from or live in Rochester NY, you probably feel about Wegman's the way a junkie feels about a really sadistic dealer- you hate the bastard, but he has what you need so you keep crawlin' back. And if you feel that way, you probably enjoy any news about Wegman's screwing up.
Like this.
(thanks to Czeltic Girl)
I do hope Rich Little has all his bits written in Word, so he can find "san clemente" and replace with "crawford".
Airline: Pilots in Ky. crash broke rules
Like that rule that says "don't crash plane"?
Little Bopper digging up dad to find out what exactly happened in that plane crash.
I imagine the autopsy report will go something like this:
A fractured skull and a broken face
and a flap of skin hangin' down
there's a wiggle in his jaw and a jiggle in his spine...
You know, whenever anyone talks about that plane crash they always have to mention the Don McLean song. But nobody ever talks about the Christmas carol inspired by the incident. Yeah, you know- Deck the Walls with Buddy Holly?
What? No?
As much as it pains me to link to College Humor Dot Com, I just gotta share this very profane (that means NSFW or make sure the kids are out of earshot), kinda Firesignesque phony TV commercial with you.
Before I forget, here's yet another UFO for ya.
Show me a toilet with an aquarium tank and I'll show you a senior living facility across the street from a cemetery.
I'm not sure if I should believe news of Robert Anton Wilson's death from a site purporting to be RAW's own "musings".
And so soon after Gerald Fnord...
Spy coin alert. Spy coin alert.
One would think placing a tracking device in a coin would be the kind of thing only a very "special" spy would do. What do you do with coins? You spend them, or you leave them in a little dish on your dresser, or put them in fuses for some reason I can't remember. So they don't really go where you go, do they?
But- BUT, these are Canadian coins- they don't work in the laundry machines or the candy machines and I hear that when you get south of Albany or west of Buffalo some businesses won't take 'em, so, maybe they end up just riding around in your pocket while you go to your super-secret meetings and poops, and our enemies can know this!
So thank you Defense Department! This is what I will worry about now.
Also, some Cracker Jack boxes contain "tricks" purporting to be "magic".
From the department of technology for which the need is beyond my understanding:
Apple announces iPhone, which is so thin that when you hold it up to your face it ends up in your mouth. And yet, you can live in it. And it it is a telephone, I think.
So, there's that.
No, I'm not linking that shit. You can find it yourself, I'm quite sure. Use your iPhone!
Mystery lights over Singapore.
This's gettin' ridickaless.
I realize that we're in danger of turning into The Fortean Times around here, but as a friend has tipped me off to two more strange sightings to add to this spate of weirdness that I've been chronicling, I just want to take a moment to state publicly that I am ready to welcome the Mothership:
What the hell's going on up there?
(be sure and watch the video)
I think this is somehow related to the UFO spotted over O'Hare last November. You heard it here first!
"It's not all that uncommon to have rocks rain down from heaven," said Pryor, who had not seen the object that struck the Monmouth County home. "These are usually rocky or a mixture of rock and metal."
He then added, "Get it together,Pryor. They're rocks, of course they're rocky! 'Yeah, those rocks are usually rocky or a mixture of rock- these rocks may contain rocks- and I'm the dumbest scientist ever'", while banging his head on a wall.
Iraqi Prime Minister: No no, I was just doing the Brokeback Mountain guy!
I was unaware that Pat Robertson did an annual Criswell act. Too bad, when I think of the fun I coulda been having all this time.
This year, he predicts a terrorist "mass killing" in the US! I think this is meant as a subtle dig at Catholics, but I'm not sure he'd admit to that.
By "mass killing" does he mean we're gonna get nuked?
Robertson: "The Lord didn't say nuclear".
Phew!
You may ask, "how's Robertson's record? Is he as good as my usual religious prognosticator, Jimmy the Greek Orthodox?".
Why, his record's near perfect!
In May, Robertson said God told him that storms and possibly a tsunami were to crash into America's coastline in 2006. Even though the U.S. was not hit with a tsunami, Robertson on Tuesday cited last spring's heavy rains and flooding in New England as partly fulfilling the prediction.
OK, so sometimes the Lord's Japanese is a little rusty.
He does know what 'nuclear' means though, right?
UPDATE: Stay tuned for God's Best and Worst Dressed Lists as channeled by Monk: "The Lord didn't say coulottes".