The Monk Bought Lunch

monk's week in review. on wednesday. go figure.

RIP Funky President.

RIP Clumsy President.

(Picture: Harrison, Ford)
RIP Clumsy Replacement...'s hand.

pardon my late-nite talk show monologue joke

Former President Gerald Ford has died. He famously once said, "I'm a Ford, not a Lincoln".
Which is interesting, because now we've got ourselves a Dodge!

*stuff hands in pockets, rock back and forth on heels*

When we come back, Charo will leave something crusty on our couch!

is santa taking a long winter's nap?

OK, which one of you kids was really, really naughty this year?

those koalas have the ability... to melt hearts!

Maybe I read too many Marvel Comics as a kid, but when I see the headline "Newborn koalas melt hearts", I picture mutant koalas who were born near a nuclear test site zapping helpless zookeepers in the chest with their heat vision. The zookeepers are sent flying backwards, their arms splayed out. A jagged word balloon says "Gyaaaaah!".

a somethin' shade of whatever, man.

'Cause if you're still alive or can remember it you weren't really there:
Many crucial witnesses for our defence have passed away or cannot remember 1967.

how much you wanna bet he comes home a Republican?

Hard to tell with the mask on and all, but did that surgeon look like Karl Rove to you?

might I suggest, for a title, 'you've got nails'?

Romantic comedy about JC in the works. Producer Gigi Grazer: "he won't be having sex."
Which is too bad, 'cause I've heard he's hung like this *stretches arms out horizontally*.

If anybody needs me, I'll be over here dodging lightning bolts.

mallard fill more

Non-alcoholic eggnog: "only tolerable after one has had a great deal of alcohol".
Kind of like driving.
(via Titivil)

is that a rocket ship with pants in it or are you just glad to see me?

A true urban legend: The Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants.

this way to the egress

Strange juxtaposition in the obits: Download file

ain't this s'sposed to be one o' them joke papers?

This Onion article is fascinating, but I can't seem to isolate the satirical element.

flying wizards of satan

I'm posting this in part to remind me to read it through later. A quick scan of the letters that this article generated (scroll down to find them) reminded me of the "viewer letter" interludes from Monty Python's Flying Circus.

new national anthem: 'robert deniro's waiting'?

This just in: Eighties girl group takes over Fijian government in military coup, appoints Fun Boy Three to cabinet.

Hoo-Boy

I really need to quit slackin' for the day, but before I do, I'm requesting some help. I'm trying to remember the name of the comic strip in which nearly every installment had a character saying "Hoo-boy".
The characters were little squat geezers with very pronounced bags under their eyes. They sighed alot and said "Hoo-boy". I don't know whether this strip still exists-- our paper no longer carries it, which means either that it's occasionally funny (thereby disqualifying it from inclusion in our Funny Pages) or no longer exists.
Help!
Hoo-boy.

Also, is his dog named Pet?

When I log in to my computer at work, there is a little box the folks at RealPlayer plunk onto my desktop that's got little teasers for celebrity gossip stories and the like. This morning, the box contained this gem:

Where did things go wrong for Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson?

This is what you Americans call a "trick question", yes?