The Monk Bought Lunch

does the carpet match the drapes?

There should be a handy term for the ideas you have that you never do anything about and someones beats you to it. 'Cause there's gotta be a better way to say it than that. Anyway, long ago I had the idea to make porno latch hook rugs. Didn't do it. Someone else did.
Speaking of ideas, I love this. It's like he had an idea... in his butt! I'd like to put that x-ray on a t-shirt, maybe with a message like "what you can do with your great idea" or something. But I probably won't, and then someone will.
"Psychic plagiarism", maybe?
(rug thing via WFMU's Beware of the Blog)

there's some sad things known to man

I've noticed that all the cool kids like to say that they hate clowns. I think is because they have no sense of history. Once upon a time, clowns were supposed to be creepy. That sense of menace contributed to their effectiveness. Funny because they're creepy, cool kids-not in spite of. Somewhere along the line, though, there was a trend towards the sanitization of clowns. But you can't sanitize the menace that easily- clowns are grotesque, and efforts to cuddlify them only make them more so. So, no, I don't hate clowns. I rather like them, like I like Keane big-eyed kid paintings and songs like "Daddy's Hands"(Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´/Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong/Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle/But I´ve come to understand/There was always love in Daddy´s hands)- I get a kick out of any cutesified version of the horrid. Call me sick.
So, 2 clowny links for you:
I am redeemed, but not with hot dogs

Clowns 'Boost Fertility'

dada wednesday

Pudding

Underpatents

Waiting

The Photographer's Shadow

my next film will be called 'steaming pile'

If my films had been getting the kind of reviews Woody Allen's have for the last, oh, fifteen years, I think I'd reconsider titling my new movie Scoop. That's just making it too easy for them critics.

brought to you by the letters "F","U","N", and "K"

like the fella once said, ain't that a kick...

Y'know, I hate to sound overly sensitive, but I do think that this is an inappropriate juxtaposition of photo and news blurb. Unless, of, course, the 3 deaths had occurred when fans mistook other fans' heads for soccer balls and kicked them to death.

what it takes to be an 'expert' these days

More sex.
That's what one expert says is needed to solve Japan's baby shortage.

daddy loved prunes

Mama sang tenor?

Also, Jim White wants you to keep an eye out for those peanuts he sent you (Check out "Jim White's Postcards" here).

2,500 dead soldiers, but no titties on the tv!

Preznit signs legislation increasing fines for tv and radio indecency violations:
The agency has defined indecency as "language or material that, in context, depicts or describes, in terms patently offensive as measured by contemporary community standards for the broadcast medium, sexual or excretory organs or activities."
Yeah, well, fuck that shit.

shiny happy mud balls holding hands

Ever since I heard about Dorodango I've been harboring the thought "That is the useless activity I've been waiting for- it's like masturbating outside without getting arrested!".
In case you haven't heard of it, Dorodango is a Japanese tradition (as is masturbating outside- just kidding of course *bows, says "hazukashi"*)of forming and polishing shiny mud balls. That's it. The balls are then rated according to shininess, and I suppose you can trade them with your friends or use them as weapons against your enemies.
This is the best site I've seen on the practice. This evening I plan to begin my shiny, muddy adventure. I'll let you know how it goes.

was this review helpful to you?

Saw Me and You and Everyone We Know last night. This is not a review of the film. I was digging around Amazon 'cause I wanted to know if the soundtrack is available, and browsed a couple customer reviews.
Have you ever looked at these things? Someone should do a documentary film in which they track down some of these basement dwellers. I mean, if there's anything sadder than a blogger it's gotta be a customer reviewer.
Some customer reviews are interesting because the reviewer is trying so hard to come off like a "real" writer. Maybe he or she is hoping to be discovered by some major publication, as though the Amazon customer review sections are the internet equivalent of Schwab's lunch counter. Others are interesting because the writer has chosen this format to reveal more about themselves than about the product they're reviewing.
Case in point (scroll down to top review as of this writing, review by "Ugly Puppy" if it's moved down).

...repression and fear will make life, the monster, voracious and brutal

Watching this movie is like watching somebody eating raw meat or trash.

And everything comes down to s**t, to poison, to "))<>(( .forever"

OOOkay, dude.

I think we can drop the "where art thou"...

...and just stick with "O Brother".
(Via)