The Monk Bought Lunch

Revs? Revs On the Run? Jesse and the Fat Man?

What would you call the buddy movie that this is the poster for?

more nuge

Turns out the Motor City Madman is running for governor of Michigan. I'm pretty sure his campaign slogan will be "Detroit needs guns". Ann Arbor won't like that, 'cause dude, where's our guns?
Anyway, Ted lifts his loin cloth for the Independent and waves his crazy around, then Jesus' General gives him some tips on being media savvy.
It's all great fun. 'Til he wins.

wingo jingo

Were it not for the fact that the Nuge would get some of my hard-earned lettuce, I'd order me up a few o'these bad boys, just 'cause they tickle me so:

If you look real close, you'll note that the Nuge is stepping on Saddam's head.

Take a journey to the chewy nougat center of Ted's mind and learn the answers to the questions that plague men's minds like:
Q- My question is, how hard is it to tune a two bladed broadhead as opposed to a three or four blade to get the ultimate mystical flight of the arrow?
and
Q- What kind of guitar would you recommend to a player who enjoys your genre of music?--Alex
(Actually, I've gotta give you Ted's answer to this one up front, 'cause it's dee-lish)
A- a loud one! -T

May the great spirit of awareness and discipline be with you this Memorial Day weekend.

r.i.p.= rocksteady in peace

RIP Desmond Dekker.

woah. next you'll be telling me Don Martin's a Raelian

Basil Wolverton's Apocalypse.

Longtime aficionados of Basil Wolverton are aware that he is somewhat of a paradox. On the one hand he was a Christian minister -- quiet, humble, generous to a fault -- morally and socially conservative -- always ready with a word of encouragement or humor. On the other hand, he created some of the most terrifying religious art since Hieronymus Bosch.

now we know what he's up to when he's not helping teams win the superbowl

Afterward, Lay's family members swarmed around him, weeping. He was not crying as he tried to console them, saying, "God's got another plan right now."

"God's got another plan right now"?
What does this mean? God was in on it?
If his plan was for you to go to jail, why didn't He tell you that when the trial started so you could plead guilty and start fulfilling His plan right away? Maybe He wanted it to be a surprise.
Was His previous plan for you to get away with it, is that you're saying Ken? But He changed his mind?
I honestly can't wrap my head around it. Was it just something you said to shut your stupid crybaby family up 'cause they were giving you a headache?
"Yeah, yeah- God's got another plan now- he's gonna turn me into Godzilla. Leave me alone, willya? You're ruining my suit".

I guess I would've thought God steered clear of corporate corruption. Kinda seems more like the province of that Other Guy.
What do I know?

so...

... that fellow certainly won that singing competition, eh?

rice cream

I'll stay with you 'til my seas are dried up.
Condi: Some mornings it's Brahms, some mornings it's Cream.

Is it just me and my perverse longing for Condi Rice, or does that sound kinda dirty?

via

a thousand violins begin to play

So last night while watching House (which,c'mon, "she pooped from her mouth", how pleased was I to hear that on network TV?), the Fox News promos promised to tell us about "the White House Press Secretary's breakdown"! Well, I don't have to tell you that I started bouncing excitedly on the couch- "Ooh! Ooh! Wha'happen wha'happen?", with visions of, I dunno, Captain Queeg blabbering about the missing strawberries or something, or Snow melting (Snow melting? This is fun already!) into a puddle on the floor leaving only a pointy hat and some pointy shoes.
But I wasn't gonna miss Boston Legal to sit through a whole Fox newscast waiting for the details, so when I got up this morning I couldn't wait to get to the computer and find out about the press secretary's "breakdown".
Well, shit. Turns out the "breakdown" consisted of Snow getting misty (Misty Snow. Isn't she a porn actress?) talking about his battle with colon cancer. That's no fun. Although I s'pose the sooner he gets used to discussing diseased assholes the better.
I'm sure there's an element of "don't be mean to the cancer patient" at work here, and I can only hope it doesn't work, 'cause if your job is to lie obfuscate and mislead in order to defend policies that kill people and/or destroy their lives to further the interests of a few rich mofos, guess what Tony Snow? You are colon cancer. No matter how much you turn on the waterworks.

late nite talk show monologue joke, "It's good, but you're pulling bean sprouts outta your teeth for hours after eating it" edition

Folks in Scottsdale are upset about the name of a new restaurant there, but a spokesperson for the restaurant says the name, Pink Taco, is just one of the items on the menu. When asked what sort of dish that is, the spokesperson replied, "vagina".
*cough*
When we come back, Adrienne Barbeau on life after Swamp Thing!

ps- The Scottsdale City Council is scheduled to decide Monday whether to recommend the restaurant get a liquor license.
You're gonna have to write your own joke about that.

who hires these people, Max Fleisher?

There used to be a columnist in my local paper here who kinda did the Paul Harvey thing- cute stories, brothers and sisters living next to each other for 30 year without knowing it, dogs carrying Dad's slippers to him from 40 miles away, that sort of thing. He had a regular feature called "Names That Work". Like if you were an ice cream salesman and your name was Fro Zen Derry. OK, bad example but you get the idea.
But would you say that Julie Goon is a "Name That Works"?

Who hires these people? Chester Gould?

Woah. Wait. There's an executive director of the CIA named DUSTY FOGGO and I didn't know this until now? And now he's resigning?
Man. My life sucks.

and the dish ran away with the spoon

Rice calls Straw, says they will stay close friends

head wig and the optical inch

I'm just glad to finally have a term for it.
(Via)

solfeggio

Because it's Friday and it's been a long week, let's just watch the Nairobi Trio for awhile, shall we?

on the lack of civility in public dis- uh, transit

Look. I may not particularly like Stephen Harper. I just happen to think a man's dietary habits are his own business.

hello, Yahoo photo editor!

"And hello to you, United States of America! Hello! And you better back the f***k up or Israel gets it! Have a good one, okay? "

late-nite talk show monologue joke, "the guitar player looks damaged" edition

Keith Richards fell from a tree and sustained a concussion while on vacation in Fiji. Friends and family were concerned when they noticed Richards was slurring his speech and walking at an angle. For forty years.
When asked what he was doing in the tree, Richards responded: "gathering moss".
According to one paper Richards had another accident, involving a Jet Ski, following the tree incident. I guess we'll call that tumblin' twice.
Tumblin' twice!
When we come back, Helena Bonham Carter. She had sex with Tim Burton! No, really!