I picture the person who wrote this news bite sitting at a dinner table, gleefully delivering what he thinks is a rather witty introduction:
A new television reality show invites porn stars to test their serious acting abilities in London's theater district, raising the question: Debbie can do Dallas, but can she take on Chekhov's "The Cherry Orchard?"
And while he's delivering the next couple paragraphs, he notices the blank looks on his audience's faces, and interrupts himself for a moment.
Ahem.
"Debbie Does Dallas" was a 1978 porn film about the misadventures of a young woman who becomes a cheerleader for a Texas football team.
The other dinner guests politely respond:
"Oh, yes of course. 'Debbie can do Dallas', right. Ha".
With considerably less enthusiasm, reporter finishes his story (hoping he doesn't have to explain that My Fair Lady was Lerner and Lowe's musical adaptation of G.B. Shaw's Pygmalion), and picks desultorily at his cheesecake.
By the by, "The Churning of the Cream" is a sexual position in the Kama Sutra, a Tantric Yoga text written sometime between the first and sixth centuries BCE...
You know how some people won't pee without running the water to cover up the noise?
Well, Republicans are like that about everything.
Scotty Mac gets personal when asked about his plans for the future:
I'm looking forward to it. My wife is looking forward to it, as well. In all our time together, it has only been in this position, so we're looking forward to starting that next chapter in our life together...
Showbiz Tonite! Sibilant Assgas (or whatever her name is) reporting:
You've got one song called Let's Impeach the President. What's the song about?
Neil: It's about me putting my foot in your ass.
OK, he didn't say that. Out loud.
Scotty Mac quits. Whatever will I do?
Y'know how restaurants have those marquees with the changing messages out front? A few years ago I was driving on one of my area's nightmare DennysTGIFBugabooOliveGardenEtc. strips when I noticed "Hooters: Kids Eat Free". Now, I was sure at the time that they didn't mean it like it sounded.
Now, I'm not so sure.
That Skot guy at Izzle Pfaff will actually entertain you. Free of charge. This week, with tales of White Snakes and Tawny Kitaens.
Clowns can be rather intimidating.
Wanna see a monkey strangling a duck?
How about an angry frog vomiting a kitten?
No?
A hippo inflating another hippo?
Penis dentata?
Other macabre visions of juvenile animals here.
(via Czeltic Girl, who probably doesn't want the credit)
Scotty Mac takes his lumps in Friday's Press Beating:
Q Is there a bit of an appearance problem for this White House when the President speaks so strongly against leaking? When the Counsel's Office orders ethics classes? And then today you're talking about effectively good leaks and bad leaks, that --
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, you're trying to lump a lot of things in there, and I don't think I would do that, in terms of ethics classes. I mean, those are ongoing throughout the time period we're here in this administration. So let's not lump things together.
Q But there were some that were ordered specifically --
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, let's not lump those things together.
Q There were some that were ordered specifically --
MR. McCLELLAN: You're lumping things.
Q I'm lumping only because the timing of the last public lumping was --
Q Lumper. (Laughter.)
Would that be his lovely lady lumps?
I know I'm not too bright about the finer points of governmental procedure, but even if the prez has the authority to declassify classified information, it seems like there's probably a procedure in place for declassification involving filling out some forms and someone stamping something and whatnot.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe in Dubya's Pocket Prez handbook, page 34 it says " Procedure for Declassification of privileged information that could jeopardize a CIA agent's safety: have someone whisper the information to a reporter. Make sure they wink and say 'you didn't hear it from me'. Then go on the teevee and tell everyone you'll fire whoever leaked this information. There! You've just declassified something! Wasn't that fun? Tomorrow we'll make some mocassins!".
Like I say, I'm not too bright about these things.
U.S. Will Pass on Rights Council, for Now
Radical Kabbalist Madonna has issued a worldwide threat on her website, saying "I'm going to turn the world into one big dance floor".
The CIA was quick to issue a statement claiming that Madonna's power and reach are not quite sufficient to follow through on her threat. They did, however, ask that Americans report any suspicious events like parts of their lawn lighting up from underneath.
Madonna's precise whereabouts are unknown. It is believed that she is using the fact that no one cares where she is as a convenient cover.
