The Monk Bought Lunch

note to my upstairs neighbors

DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-
DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-
DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-
DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKABDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUP!DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKADOONCHIKA-DOONCHIKABDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUP!
to you too.

rail wrote

One might describe Kinky Friedman's NYT review of Jimmy Buffett's latest novel as a snow job:
There is a fine line between fiction and nonfiction, and I believe Jimmy Buffett and I snorted it in 1976.
(via the incomparable Maud)

I'd start one, but it probably wouldn't work out

Optimists club calls it quits
"I feel sad," club president Bernard Kensky said.

generalissimo francisco franco: still dead. chivalry and antigeist: not

Everybody's favorite AntiGeezer has a birthday today. I have to say she looks great for her age, although certain functions may be showing signs of faltering.

so does this mean I don't have to do my homework?

Catholic school teacher scares the shit out of students. This is news?

From the Dep't of Ironic Obits:

We are greatly saddened to have to you that at about 5.30 pm Saturday Nov 13th, Jhonn Balance, was killed in an accident at home.

Under the influence of alcohol he fell from the first floor landing, hitting his head on the floor some 15ft below.

Geez, I guess Mr. Kenneth Impervioustobullets better watch out!

I have lots of books

And, unlike my records and cd's, they're arranged in no particluar order. I like having to look through lots of other books to find the one I'm looking for. But now I'm going to go home and arrange them by spine color. Purty...
(via Presurfer)

he broke the bread, gave it to his disciples, and said "look! it's my mom!"

Hail Mary, full of grease, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst gluten and blessed is the fruit of thy womb cheeses.

I may make fun of your opinion, but I'll defend to your death my right to do so.

From Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky
Rule 5: Ridicule is your most potent weapon. Ridicule is difficult to counter and it infuriates your opponent, causing him to react to your advantage.
Him or her. But mostly him. Hims are more fun to ridicule. Except for Ann Coulter. Who's really a him. There, I've started already!
More Rules at Atrios

late-nite talk show monologue joke, let the eagles soar edition

Attorney General John Ashcroft resigns, presumably to spend more time on his music. One possible successor being bandied about is Rudy Guliani, who should do a great job of keeping the country safe from the greatest threats to our security: smokers and the homeless.
When we come back, Jim Fowler shows us something that will shit on my desk!

if i can ever get her away from that damn blender...

...this is the girl I'm gonna marry.
(via Peace Dividend)

this is your brain.

This is your brain on drugs.
This is your brain on drugs, scrambled, with some other brains.
(via Eye of the Goof)

someone's been listening to too much Springsteen...

The flag of piracy flew from my mast, my sails were set wing to wing
I had a jukebox graduate for first mate, she couldn't sail but she sure could sing,
I pushed B-52 and bombed 'em with the blues with my gear set stubborn on standing
I broke all the rules, strafed my old high school, never once gave thought to landing,
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd but when they said "Come down" I threw up
Ooh-ooh growin' up

...and in New Jersey, no less!

where's your head at?

It's my friend Trudy's birthday:

She makes hats:

Some famous people wear them, like the guys in Orbital:

I don't have her contact info handy, but if you're interested in spending some dough on some ultra-cool one-of-a-kind hats, leave me a comment and I'll hook you up.
Oh yeah, it's my birthday too. Yeah.

your peanut butter's in my chocolate

I'm seeing a lot of talk on the internets and those older pieces of furniture about how the Democrats need to adjust their message to appeal to religious voters. This argument is based on the fact that so many people cited "moral values" as the most important issue to them. What the arguments seem to be missing is that in this context, "moral values" doesn't mean being nice to your neighbor or, oh I don't know, not killing them. If that were the case, they would see jobs, health care, and the war as moral issues. The "moral values" trope really translates into "stickin' your nose in other people's bidness". Who cares if Americans can't afford health care, or if our children isn't learning, or if a good wedding in Iraq is one with rice instead of shrapnel? What these people really care about is that there are people running around who think they can do whatever they want with their cocks cunts and assholes. If the Democrats are going to adjust their message to appeal to these people, what will we have won? The challenge should be to convince Americans that their neighbor's passionate butt sex doesn't threaten them. I'm not sure how we do that, but I think it has to be the goal.
When JFK ran for president he had to downplay his Catholicism. This time around Kerry had to bend over backwards trying to convince folks he was a Jesussy kind of guy. I think people read this for what it was: posturing. Give me a candidate who says "if you were my friend and we were sitting around chatting, I'd be happy to share my religious beliefs with you. However, I'm running for governement office and my faith has no bearing on my ability to carry out the duties of that office. Furthermore, I view it as a private issue between me and my hairy thunderer. Buzz off". I realize that's a pipe dream, but in lieu of that, do we really think it's impossible to win an election without siccing your god on the parts the bathing suit covers?

christians: 0 lions: 1

No, not that. This.
Somebody's got some healing to do...

stupor tuesday

Y’know, I marched into that voting booth this morning all ready to cast my vote for John Kerry. But then a funny thing happened. I got all ascairt! I started pitchering death from above on a clear autumn day! I started thinking, “what about my skirty? What about the turrists? Who’s gonna perteck me from th’ turrists? John Kerry? He’s a flip-flopper! I seen him on that windsurfer, going this-a-way and that! I want a prezdint with conf’dence, one that’ll go straight ahead on that windsurfer!”. I saw our prezdint in that flight suit, conf’dently declaring “Mission Accomplished”. I thought about how John Kerry accused his fellow soldiers in Vietnam of baby raping and mother eating and of shooting nekkid teenagers and how he wore the Viet Cong flag as a bandana and used it as a sail for his flip-floppy windsurfer. Then I thought about nekkid teenagers for awhile more, but not about shooting them. Then I thought about death from above on a clear autumn day! Well that reminded me of Osamma, who wants me to vote for John Kerry! So if I vote for John Kerry, the turrists have won! I started shouting “I’m standing with my prezdint! I’ll state it affirminately! I’m here for you Dubya! Me and Stephen, the smartest Baldwin!”.
Heh. Sorry.