The Monk Bought Lunch

hot patootie. bless my soul.

This doesn't seem fair: If you do a Google image search on "meat loaf" most of the results are related to the singer, not the food. But if you do a Google image search on "taj mahal" most of the results are related to the building, not the singer.
I'm wondering if there was a particular moment at which Meat Loaf the man became more famous than meat loaf the food. Are there people who think the food is named after the man instead of vice versa?
And when is Taj Mahal (the man) gonna get his due?
*update: The results for "Tiny Tim" seem to be about evenly split between the Ukelelist, the Dickens character, and people's pets.

Disney is refusing to distribute my new movie...

... A Very Snoopy Thanksgiving.
(Thanks, Dana)

this just in: campaign commercials contain bullshit

I would gladly contribute some of my meager funds to support a television commercial that said "Pay no attention to political advertisements- they're no more true than a Budweiser commercial". While showing girls in bikinis dancing in voting booths equipped with showers.

RIP Felix, Cat

Tony Randall

Elvin Jones

Things I'd like to see while househunting, pt.1

"Would you like to see the bathroom next? It's right this way- here, let me open that for you-OH!Ah, well, let's look at the, ah, master bedroom, shall we?"
(via Everlasting Blort)

goofin' on elvis?

I'm pretty sure Uncle Andy, like Franco, is still dead, but I still got a weird feeling in my stomach when I heard about this. It was like a little voice going "that would be sooo cool".

colin powell's an aries, which really puts the kibosh on the headline I had planned for this post

In light of recent events, I am replacing the usual Friday fake horoscope with a link to last year's predictions from a "real" astrologer for G.W. Bush and Donald Rumsfeld, along with all the other cancers, er, Cancers.
Some excerpts:

The sign of Cancer rules during July. This nation, GW Bush, and Donald Rumsfeld all celebrate their birthdays during Cancer time. They thus begin their new annual cycles now, as they sow the seeds which will grow during the next year.

As ye sow...

Cancer is a sign of the people, associated with an instinctive feel for human nature.

As exemplified by an uncanny ability to distinguish abuse from torture. 'Cause abuse, well, everybody does a little abuse from time to time- it's human nature!

Toxic emotions can be more apparent, and we will want to detoxify both ourselves and those near and dear to us.

We all may need to be detoxified, if things keep going as they have been.

The field of human resources will begin to achieve new importance.

Human Resources. That's the department you will want to send your resumes to when you look for your new jobs.

It’s thus especially important now to bring up from the subconscious any subversive intentions which may be lurking there, and to work on strengthening our conscious intentions.

Hmmm, 'nuff said.

Everyone's feeling pretty

Some time ago I posted a little-known rock fact, which was little-known because I made it up. Today I'm inaugurating a semi-regular feature: Pop music trivia that isn't true, but should be. Number One:
Stevie Wonder's song "Master Blaster" was originally going to be called "Plaster Caster" in keeping with Stevie's appreciation for sculpture, but Berry Gordy prevailed on Stevie and convinced him that it might tarnish his image.

As my mom likes to say: now why would you want to do that?

I was in one of my local giant-ass supermegagooglegroceries yesterday, in the produce time zone, when I smelled a delicious grape smell. It smelled like the pie grapes, not the table grapes. I like the pie grapes. Some of you Norkers may not have had these- take a trip to Naples, New York in the Fall and try them sometime. So I smelled that smell, and looked around- no grapes! As far as I could tell, I was in the apple zip code of the produce time zone. Then I took a closer look at the apples directly in front of me, and lo and behold- Grapples. Apparently they want you to pronouce it "grape-uhl". It looks like an apple but tastes like a grape! Okay, but why?
It looks like a pot roast but tastes like Gummy Bears!
It looks like a carrot but tastes like coffee!
It looks like a tangerine but tastes like a cheeseburger!

dang! they's nekked! yee-hawglugluglug

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- A double-decker party barge capsized when dozens of passengers moved to one side of the boat as it approached Texas' only nude beach

[Travis County sheriff's spokesman Roger]Wade said it was unclear why the people all were on one side of the boat.
Needless to say, Travis County sheriff's spokesman Roger Wade is not known for his insights into human behavior.

just don't ask "how many lumps?"

I was at my local Indian grocery and had an overwhelming urge to take home two bags of this.
Slogan suggestion: It's Bodacious!
-posted by Monk, age 7.

I don't know...

...if you could really call him Mister Peanut anymore.
(via Memepool)

How to gain your employees' respect

Friday afternoon, two of the students that I "supervise" were talking about the Olsen twins:
Student One: I think one has an eating disorder. Anorexia or, what's the other one?
Me: Mary Kate?
Student Two: Shut up! Bulimia.
Student One: Right, she's got anorexia or bulimia. I'm not sure which she has, and I'm not sure which twin has it.
Me: Actually, Mary Kate has anorexia and Ashley has bulimia and they've been sharing the same meal for years now.
Students One and Two: SHUT UP!
Me: I read that someplace.

ich. blech. ptooey.

Crying and giggling are both welcomed and encouraged.
eeeew!

Clean up after yourself.
Aww God!

Look, I'll admit I have personal space issues, and have been accused of being a little standoffish, but this is just, man, I dunno, givin' me the heebie-jeebies so bad I'm nearly speechless. Who the fuck are these people?

I feel like I need to take a bath in a tub full of mouthwash.
Ugh.
(via 601AM)