Radical Kabbalist Madonna has issued a worldwide threat on her website, saying "I'm going to turn the world into one big dance floor".
The CIA was quick to issue a statement claiming that Madonna's power and reach are not quite sufficient to follow through on her threat. They did, however, ask that Americans report any suspicious events like parts of their lawn lighting up from underneath.
Madonna's precise whereabouts are unknown. It is believed that she is using the fact that no one cares where she is as a convenient cover.