The Monk Bought Lunch

Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a register rings, an angel gets his wings.

I was yakkin' with Anti the other day, and of course the War on Christmas entered the conversation. And I went on a long-winded rant about how I have nothing to say about it- it's beneath me to even argue about it, it's such unadulterated nonsense, and most of the fun of Christmas leaked out of me during a 10 year stint in retail, so y'know what, whackos, have your Christmas and you're welcome to it - I don't give a whit whether a big box store says Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Dandy Diwali, Phlegmy Chanukah, or what, since I won't be going in them anyway. Although I might make a special trip if a store were to give a nod to Festivus by having a continuous loop on the PA of Jerry Stiller yelling "I got a lot of problems with you people!" and "serenity now!"-
I'm actually pleased that this whole thing is happening- not only because I've been looking for an excuse to surrender Christmas to the dep't. of "that's for other people", but because this should finally nudge O'Reilly over that edge of "complete joke" he's been tottering on for some time now. I've been browsing through many of his statements on this topic, and I've yet to find a lick of sense in there. Reading them, I began to feel nostalgic for more reasonable, moderate conservative media voices like Wally George. As far as I can tell, every statement O'Reilly has made on the subject amounts to demands that we shove the money changers back into the temple. Or, maybe more accurately, shove a temple up a money changer. But what the hell- , as I interpret it, the issues involved here are as follows: Jesus, Shopping, and fundraising for Christian Conservatives. Jesus, in my opinion, modeled some Very Good Behavior in a Very Popular Book (and I'm pretty sure he knew the difference between between a felafel and a loofah). Shopping is Something to Avoid, and whatever Christian Conservatives do to separate fools from the money they were lucky to get together with in the first place is between the selfsame blind and naked, so long as they keep it between the legal ditches. So I don't really have a dog in this fight.
To me, all a holiday is really good for is relaxing with family and friends. I'll say "happy whateveryougot" if it means I also get to say "pass the ham" or "mmm, buttery",or even "please stop punching Uncle Monk in the groin". Yet nobody seems to be hollering about the fact that we get to do less and less of that every year.
I'll leave it to others to try and wrest Christmas out of the hands of those who seem to believe that being a Christian means you own the calendar from Halloween to New Year's, and that every dollar spent during that time should be sprinkled with holy water.
While they're doing that, I'm going to close my eyes and pretend I'm running down Main Street in Bedford Falls, joyously screaming "Serenity Now, movie house! Yummy Felafel, Emporium! I got a lot of problems with you people, you wonderful old Building and Loan!".

I guess that's all the nothing I have to say on that subject.