Another note to my upstairs neighbors:
Okay, so you aren't grown up enough to know that 3:00 AM is probably not the time to START the party. You aren't smart enough to retain in your memory the fact that I work during, uh, working hours. You aren't thoughtful enough to turn the music down after my first polite request, or to stop wrestling or cockfighting or cat juggling or whatever it was you kept doing after turning the music down to a slightly fainter thump.
I think I know, now, the language you speak. It's the language of war.
Therefore, as long as my sleep is interrupted, so will yours. At around 7:00 AM each morning, which is about two hours after you have crashed from your meth high, you will be jolted upright by the sudden sound of electric hoofbeats erupting over the hillside, followed by Robert Plant's piercing howl:
Guhnuhgugunuhguh, Guhnuhgugunuhguh, Guhnuhgugunuhguh
"AAAAAH, AH! AAAAAAH, AH!"
Yes, I come from the land of the ice and snow, you dumb Springer rejects. Down in Tallahassee or Dogpatch or wherever it is you come from, you may not have known about people like me who don't look like much but are well capable of and willing to, fight nasty for the sanctity of their caves. Whatever dreams your feeble mind creates, and I can't imagine what they would be, will be trampled by Frazetta-esque images of mayhem. "Tales of gore", if you will.
Percy, Jimmy, Bonzo, and John Paul will provide a daily thunderous daily wake-up call until such time as I have a decent night's sleep.
So now you'd better stop, and rebuild all your ruins.
Why take the chance that they may actually like the music you use to wake them up? I have Raffi CD's you could borrow...or, if you want the heavy artillery, "The Wiggles Christmas CD" - you could "accidentally" leave it playing all day when you go to work...
Posted by: Beth at 08.12.04 10:23our downstairs neighbors have been behaving the same way recently. i haven't bothered to ask them to turn it down, though. if you go into the bedroom you can't really hear the noise.
and btw, i was totally on your side until the tallahassee part.
Posted by: z at 08.12.04 11:25zeeb- sorry about the Tallahasee remark- I just kinda randomly grabbed a town name, and as you can imagine I'm pretty sleep-deprived. I beg your forgiveness.
Sis- I'm pretty sure no matter how much you like Led Zeppelin, you don't want them shaking you out of a deep slumber every morning. But Raffi and/or the Wiggles (esp. left on "repeat") is an intriguing thought...
I like Beth's idea. Something like the Barney theme on repeat all day would drive anyone, particularly those high on speed, insane. Not to mention would provide delicious lyrical irony (I love you, you love me, we're a happy family...)
Do you have forced air heat? If so, may I suggest a speaker placed directly in front of each vent? That way you wouldn't have to blow down doors (and violate city noise codes) to get your point across. Just a steady stream of madness, piped throughout the building for their pleasure. Literally seeping through the walls...
Posted by: antigeist at 08.12.04 12:09Zep's okay but try something that will shatter plaster, like Mexican meth rock: finger-bleedingly fast, lots of trumpets, a surfeit of fuzzy high pitched guitars, and sufficiently out of focus to induce bats to vomit with vertigo.
Remix it with enough reverb so your buddies think their heads will explode if they don't rip out their eyeballs. They break into your trendy but not overly lavish "pad," trip the alarm system, and get hauled to the pokey before you clock out from earning your daily cup of gruel.
Your insurance company repairs the damage while putting you up at the Four Seasons, your buddies share a cell with one of Jeff Dahmer's more playful disciples, and you sell the screen rights for a low seven figures, move uptown, etc. You may or may not get to know the Hilton sisters as more than "just friends." Depends on your publicist.
Posted by: fuzzyrodrigo at 09.12.04 20:19I wondered where my former upstairs neighbors went. Apparently they've moved upstairs from you. Just wait 'til the part where they have a pool table delivered. You'll love that.
Posted by: czelticgirl at 14.12.04 17:35