My right-wing pen pal sent me this Op-Ed by Zell Miller from the Washington Times, with this introduction:
In view of the NY Times scandal with Jason Blair and his false reporting,
Dan Rather with his forged documents, and ABC telling their reporters to take
sides and support Kerry -- this is very timely.
It shows the nature of these people.
Iwo Jima, if covered by media today
By Zell Miller
What if today's reporters had covered the Marines landing on Iwo Jima, a
small island in the far away Pacific Ocean, in the same way they're covering the
war in Iraq? Here's how it might have looked:
DAY 1
With the aid of satellite technology, Cutie Cudley interviews Marine Pfc.
John Doe, who earlier came ashore with 30,000 other Marines.
Cutie: "John, we have been told by the administration that this island has
great strategic importance because if you're successful, it could become a
fueling stop for our bombers on the way to Japan. But, as you know, we can't be
sure this is the truth. What do you think?"
Pfc. Doe: "Well, I've been pinned down by enemy fire almost ever since I got
here and have had a couple of buddies killed right beside me. I'm a Marine
and I go where they send me. One thing's for sure, they are putting up a fight
not to give up this island."
Cutie: "Our military analysts tell us that the Japanese are holed up in
caves and miles of connecting tunnels they've built over the years. How will you
ever get them out?"
Pfc. Doe: "With flame throwers, ma'am."
Cutie (incredulously): "Flame throwers? You'll burn them alive?"
Pfc. Doe: "Yes ma'am, we'll fry their asses. Excuse me, I shouldn't have
said that on TV."
Cutie (audible gasp): "How horrible!"
Pfc. Doe (obviously wanting to move on): "We're at war ma'am."
(A Marine sergeant watching nearby yells, "Ask her what does she want us to
do — sing to them, 'Come out, come out, wherever you are. Pretty please.' "
Cutie: "Pfc. Doe, what's that mountain in the background? Is that the one
they say is impregnable?"
Pfc. Doe: "I don't know what that word means, ma'am, but that's Mt.
Suribachi, and we're going to put a flag right up on top of it just as soon as we
can. I gotta go."
Cutie to camera: "No one has yet really confirmed why this particular battle
in this particular place is even being waged. Already, on the first day, at
least 500 Marines have been killed and a thousand wounded. For this? (Camera
pans to a map with a speck of an island in the Pacific. Then a close up of
nothing but black volcanic ash). For this? For this?" (Cutie's sweet voice
becomes more strident as it fades out.)
DAY 2
At 7 a.m., Cutie's morning show opens with a shot of hundreds of dead bodies
bobbing in the water's edge. Others are piled on top of each other on shore.
After a few seconds, one can see Marines digging graves to bury the dead.
Cutie: "There is no way the Marines could have expected this. Someone got it
all wrong. No one predicted this. This has been a horrible 24 hours for our
country. This is a slaughterhouse. After all this fighting, Marines control
only about a mile and a half of beach and the casualties are now over 3,500
and rising rapidly. We'd like to know what you think. Call the number on the
bottom of the screen. Give us your opinions on these three questions:
1. Were the Marines properly trained?
2. Is this nothing of an island worth all these lives?
3. Has the president once again misled the American people?
"After the break, we'll ask our own Democratic and Republican analysts, both
shouting at the same time, of course, what they have to yell about all this.
It should make for a very shrill, provocative morning.
"But before we leave this horrible — some will say needless — scene, let us
give you one more look at this Godforsaken place where these young Americans
are dying. Volcanic ash, cold, wet miserable Marines just thankful to be
alive. And still no flag that we had been promised on that mountain. Things have
gone from bad to worse in this obviously misguided military operation. One
thing is certain, there should be and there will be a high-partisan — make
that bi-partisan — congressional inquiry into this."
DAY 3
Cutie: "Marines continue to be locked in a life-or-death struggle over this
worthless piece of real estate in the middle of the Pacific. The word
'quagmire' is being used in the U.S. Senate, a body very familiar with quagmires.
Senator Blowhard has called it 'a colossal military blunder.' And Senator
Bombast maintains it was a fraudulent scheme hatched while the president was on
his sixth vacation at the Little White House in Georgia.
"The recently organized Senate Squeakers Group may ask for the president to
resign. They maintain that politics should not stop at the waters edge in
times of war, calling that tradition an old-fashioned idea that has no place in
the new century of dysfunctional government. Over forty special interest
groups concurred and all issued identical news releases."
"We now turn to our politicalanalyst,James Crankville."
(James):"Cutie,the overnight poll numbers have hit this president right
between the eyes. Nationwide, an overwhelming 98 percent said that if possible,
they would like to see this country fight a war without a single American
casualty. That is nearly the same percentage we saw three days ago when the
American public said they would be in favor of going to war if we could win
without firing a shot. So, you can see there is a trend developing here that spells
trouble for this administration."
"That this president is going ahead with this war is just unbelievable. The
witty New York Times columnist, Myscream Loud, wrote in her inimitable
fashion that 'The president's policy is as crippled as his legs.' (giggle) Last
week she said he had reached the point where no one will 'Fala' him. F-A-L-A,
his dog, get it (more giggles)? Has that woman got a way with words! Go girl."
DAY 4
Cutie (holds up front page of the New York Times): "This morning, the New
York Times had this photo on the front page. As you can see, the Marines have
finally raised a flag on Mt. Suribachi on Iwo Jima. The fighting is still
going on but it looks like this battle is over. We tried to find Pfc. Doe, the
young Marine I interviewed that terrible first day, but he was unavailable.
Here is Corporal Smith though. (With girlish enthusiasm). "Well, we see that
flag flying. It's pretty much over isn't it?"
Cpl. Smith: "Oh, no ma'am, it's not over by any means. We've got weeks of
fighting and dying to go yet. This place is a long ways from being secured. But
we did get that flag up there and it sure makes us all proud."
Cutie: "I can't tell much from the photo. Their faces are not even visible,
making it impossible for us to descend upon any of their families. Corporal
Smith, do you know any of the flag raisers? And do you know who ordered it put
up there? Did the order come directly from the president for political
reasons?"
Cpl. Smith: "All I know is that I heard some colonel put the word out that
he wanted 'a flag put up there where every son of a bitch on this island could
see it.' Excuse me, ma'am."
Cutie: "We know you've been in the heat of battle so,..."
Cpl. Smith: "Still am, ma'am."
Cutie: "Yes, of course, but it's all over. (Nervous giggle). Except here on
Capitol Hill, of course. Corporal Smith, I wonder if you know the gender,
race and ethnicity of the group that put the flag up. In other words, did that
group 'look like America?' "
Corporal Smith: "Look like America? They are Americans, ma'am. United States
Marines."
Cutie: "Any females?"
Cpl. Smith: "No, ma'am."
Cutie: "Any African Americans?"
Cpl. Smith: "I don't know, ma'am. But there is an Indian in Easy Company."
Cutie: "You mean Native American?"
Cpl. Smith: "Whatever, ma'am, I've got to cut out. My outfit is moving on
and we've got a lot to do."
Cutie: "And we've got a lot to do here too. Spring training has started and
the sun is shining brightly in Florida. But first this word from our
sponsors."
Historical note: In one of the bloodiest battles of World War II, when it
was said "uncommon courage was a common virtue," 6,000 Marines were killed and
18,000 wounded. Some 21,000 Japanese were killed. The island itself is still
barren and only a handful of people live on it. But after it was secured by
the Marines, B-29s made over 2,200 emergency landings on it, saving the lives
of more than 24,000 crewmen. AP photographer Joe Rosenthal won a Pulitzer
Prize for the flag-raising photo. Of the six men in the photo, three were buried
in that black volcanic ash, one came out on a stretcher. Only two walked off
the island.
This piece drives a point home with surgical precision. That point? Zell Miller is fucking crazy! Not that we didn't already know that, but Christ on a Bicycle, this guy's out where the busses don't run! He's crazier than crazy pie! He's crazier than Crazy McNutjob riding a crazy bicycle down Crazy Street delivering the Crazy Times! I think Zell Miller oughta be a new euphemism for someone who's lost their minds:
"Remember Frank from high school? Well, he went all Zell Miller a few years back, now he's terrified of pants".