I just received an e-mail from John Kerry! Strangely, his email address is info@johnkerry. Weird. Anyway, the subject line says "I know how much you are counting on me". See, this is how rumours get out of control. Maybe someone was eavesdropping at the bar when someone said "I think things are about to turn around for John Kerry" and I said "I hope so, but I'm not counting on it". NOT, John. Even if you do get elected, I won't be counting on you. I might be trying to light a fire under your ass, but I won't be counting on you.
And then I read the e-mail, which basically said this:
"I know how much you are counting on me, and so I'm gonna need a bunch of your money". What am I, made of ketchup? No, John. I'm not. Let's see, I could have electricity this month, or give your rich ass some money. I don't know how I got on your list of people to ask for money, but I'm not a Democrat and I am shit-poor. If you weren't up against the Insane Clown Posse there in Washington you wouldn't even be getting my vote, nevermind my hardearned ducats. "Reporting for Duty", my ass! "Reporting for Moochy-mooch" you shoulda said. Damn!