We have a bell on our circulation desk that is there so that if the staff is busy in the stacks and a patron needs help, they can ring it and I'll come runnin' yes I will 'cause you got a friend.
Problem: people are fuckin' idiots and can't look at a bell without ringing it. I've seen 'em.
So, one of these days, after having interrupted what I'm doing (ie. thinking) for the umpteenth time because another fuckin' idiot has fallen under the irresistible spell of the desk bell, I will well and truly lose my shit:
"DON'T RING THE BELL DON'T RING THE BELL IM GONNA SHOVE THAT GODDAMN BELL UP YOUR ASS DON'T! RING! THE! GOD! DAMN! BELL!".
Fair warning.