Your Birthday Today: You will exude an aroma evoking nothing so much as a smellier variety of New World Primate. You will visually resemble one as well.
Aries: Like Norrin Radd, you will be doomed to this wretched planet, forever hopeful of returning to space and again soaring among the stars. Asshole.
Taurus: You are a main, main, mashayn.
Gemini: The charts are unclear. Something about either shaving or shaking that ass. Choose carefully.
Cancer:You will be bad, yes. However, you will fall well short of being nationwide.
Leo: Your shit is so far up in my face my eyes are brown.
Virgo: With your New York brim and your gold tooth displayed,
Nobody give you trouble cause they know you got it made.
Libra: Put that fuckin' almanac away! Whaddaya, want to get us all arrested?
Scorpio: Don't worry, she doesn't know your name either.
Sagittarius: You will require a refresher course on the "shit-Shinola dichotomy".
Capricorn: This isn't your horoscope, but I just thought of this line: Hey Nicole Richie! Why don't you once, twice, three times blow me! What do you think, is that funny or what? Huh? Horoscope? What're you talking about?
Aquarius: You will go to some dumb Merchant-Ivory-ish film called "A Bonham for Helena" or "A Meadow of Skirts" or "Parasol Family Snoozefest" or some shit for your first date. You will drink that bottle of wine you purchased for said date's after-movie tete-a-tete all by your lonesome.
Pisces: Your upstairs neighbor will play "Sugarshack" over and over again all weekend.
well i be rollin' do do do with my dee yea's on i gotta fine do do do botta dee de do do don, and i been shoon-a botta gee witha girly doo doo down i getta fine piece of ghandi with a boner and a gong cuz i'm baaaad, i'm nation why-dddd.
Posted by: Jackie paper at 17.01.04 01:43Thanks to you, I can't get "sugarshack" outta my brains for like three days now.
Posted by: Ass Toncatcher at 19.01.04 00:48