Your Birthday Today:Have your spanking policy worked out in advance- who can spank you, who can't, what consitutes a spank (I've seen squeezes and feels snuck in to the administration of a "spanking").
Aries: Please read and sign the spanking policy, indicating that you understand and agree to all stipulations therein.
Taurus: Spanking is to be administered openhanded.
Gemini: "Spanking" is here defined as "a hit to the gluteous maximus with hand-to-buttock contact lasting not more than the duration of time it takes to utter the number of the spanking".
Cancer:Calling out the number of the spanking must be done using normal speed. South of the Mason Dixon line, speed should be doubled.
Leo: Your shit should not, for the duration of the spanking, be in my face. Failure to comply with this stipulation will result in forfeiture of your right to spank.
Virgo: It is your responsibility to inform the party being spanked if you have not previously spanked before. Lack of experience does not relieve you of liability for any welts or bruises inadvertently caused by said inexperience.
Libra: You will distribute spankings evenly between the buttocks. If the number of spankings is odd, you will divide the "extra" spanking into two lesser spankings, one for each cheek.
Scorpio: The spankings must be equal to or lesser than the age of the party being spanked. "One to grow on" is negotiable.
Sagittarius: It is acceptable for the administering spanker to forfeit their spank in order to instead receive a spanking from the party heretofore referred to as "the party being spanked".
Capricorn: Spanking will be administered from a stationary position, either standing or sitting with the party being spanked across one's knee. A running start is not permitted.
Aquarius: It is recommended that the party being spanked wear some sort of undergarment to protect the region being spanked. These can be purchased in most department stores and have the added function of a positive effect on the hygeine of said area.
Pisces: Spankings are to be administered with the hand only, one hand at a time. Attempts to utilize a fish to administer the spanking will result in forfeiture of the right to spank .
What if I throw a telephone or a chair at your face, and it's not even your birthday, does that count as a spanking?
Posted by: F. Uckyou at 20.12.03 01:11Dear F.- No, that usually means I have to buy you flowers or chocolate.
Cute name, by the way. Is that Inuit?
my name, i'll have you know, is the resuolt of an genetic and ethnic pre-disposition towards n drinking, mountation und copulation and getting drunk, then reading stuff on your freakin' web site and then getting more pissed off. your cocaine abuse will catch up with you sooner or later stoopid white man....here's you: uugghh, i think i'll sniff this powder then steal sumore injun preservations, fuck their women then mutate into a weasel and escape through the nearest hole in the wall! then i'll go write stuff on my precious little blog web site...ooohh oohh uuhh uuhh uuhh cootchy koo meh meh meh uuhhh...get the picture?
for the record I'
m Pawnee
Dear F.- You should really have that checked. Although I do enjoy some injun preservations on my toast from time to time, I have never stolen any. And though I am a shapeshifter (as your people call us) I tend to prefer to assume the form of a water bucket and drench Gleek so all the Superfriends can laugh it up and we can end the show.
I hope the resoult of your mountation clears up in time for senior pictures.