Monk

Hey! Who gave you The Lion King*?

As Ed Anger might say, I'm hopping mad over a story in Toronto's Globe and Mail about my hometown.
Having lived in both Toronto and Rochester, I have a few things to tell the hack who wrote this story.
One is that macaroni salad is supposed to be cold. Do you like to warm up your toothpaste too?
Also, I'm sorry, but no Torontonian has any right to criticize another city's hamburgers. Toronto hamburgers taste like ass. They put all kinds of weird shit in 'em 'til they taste like a Christmas Shoppe smells.
Three words, Toronto: That's Not Chili. It's some kinda stew. For it to be called Chili it should, you know, taste like something.
Also, nowhere, and I mean nowhere, have I stumbled over more homeless people than I have in Toronto. Not New York, not Detroit, not Philly, not Chicago, not nowhere. Get off your goddamn high horse. Oh and speaking of horses you should either give your cops some or stop calling them the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. You ride in a car, not on one.

*choreographed by Garth Fagan, a Rochesterian, and currently pumping about a gajillion dollars into Toronto's economy.