Your Birthday Tomorrow: Don't Fear the Reaper!
Aries: In the sitcom of life, you are the wacky neighbor: Enter Airies, without knocking. Hold for applause.
Taurus: A spaz by any other name would still spaz as spazzily, spaz.
Gemini: Today, you will do horrible, shameful, disgusting and degrading things for a Klondike Bar.
Cancer: You will tell everybody again about how you invented tube socks.
Leo: Damn, Leo! Yo Shit is waayy up in my face!
Virgo: If someone don't get out of your way you swear to God you're gonna CUT someone.
Libra: You will go to the store and get some Wasabi Peas because they're my favorite snack food. DO IT!
Scorpio: You will find disappointment when you realize that the word you made up just isn't catching on, and you'll slink home with your head hung down, muttering to yourself "well, that's just underpantstastic".
Sagittarius: You will get less action than the horse you rode in on.
Capricorn: Capricorn. Is that some kind of a hat?
Aquarius: Your sonar won't get you out of this mess!
Pisces: This week how about buying food, then using whatever's left over for art supplies, instead of vicey versey? Huh?
Baby, here are your Wasabi Peas, Asshat!!!! Just cause you like em and I'm a Libra don't mean I'm gonna get em every time you want em.
Just remember that all roads lead to the NJ turnpike and Clog Man will visit you in your dreams. (Check Antigeist for comments from Splodey Girl)