The Monk Bought Lunch

monk's skyrockets in flight afternoon delight winding my way down on baker st. are you with me dr.wu dreamweaver roller-horoscope

Your Birthday Today: There are people who make good money sitting on cakes. Consider this a freebie.

Aries: You will be asked to leave a gay bar when you let on that you think Dusty Springfield is an antique rifle.
Taurus: In the words of the old Negro Spiritual, "you're blind, you can't see. You need to wear some glasses like DMC".
Gemini: All is fair in love. In your case, the county fair. Specifically, the hog races.
Cancer: You will attempt to throw the I Ching while riding the bus and discover a whole new dimension that smells like laundry.
Leo: Your shit will return to its usual resting place: up in my face.
Virgo: Somehow, the fact that your lips are severely chapped only makes you cuter.
Libra: Open up to a family member. Then close the police blotter, you're better off not knowing.
Scorpio: No, I don't think "Shower Patch Kids" are such a good idea.
Sagittarius: Don't. Just don't.
Capricorn: You will try to come up with a great catch phrase, like "Show me the money!". But hear me now, believe me later, if you do, you'll regret it- maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. Do you feel lucky, punk? You talkin' to me? Isn't that special? Hey Mikey, he likes it! Pretty sneaky, sis! Where's the beef? Whoomp, there it is! In short, I will hunt you down and kill you.
Aquarius: You will take another mortgage out on your teepee. Dumbass.
Pisces: Joe Leiberman will want to party with you.