I have a confession to make: I wrote this piece. It's part of my plan to make Condoleezza Rice love me. OK, so maybe I have to initially pretend to be some slack-jawed dittohead to get my foot in the door, but once she falls in love with me, she'll realize the error of her ways. Then we can be together the rest of our days; livin', laughin, lovin', touchin', squeezin'- woops! Turned into Steve Perry for a moment. Don't wanna do that- Condy would never love Steve Perry.
What, you thought J. Grant Swank, Jr. was a real name?