It's been pretty quiet around here, I know. It's just that I've been preoccupied with my new full-time job, being a crazy pregnant lady, and can never get a whole thought down before bodily calamity steps in and makes it impossible. Just one of the billions of things no one tells you about pregnancy. Well, they tell you, they hint. Kinda like your dentist saying, "You may feel a slight pinch..." a few seconds before he jabs a four foot needle in your soft palate and you literally lose your sight from the pain. The baby books glibly refer to things like "morning sickness" and "slight cramping" and "gas and bloating." What they don't say is passing that gas will be a painful all-morning endeavor and you'll need a three hour nap to recuperate. One tends to lose their train of bloggy thought after such a trial.

So yeah. Preggers. Me. The ignominy. I'd thought long and hard about whether or not I would talk about it here because let's be frank...God love all the breeders of the world, but seriously, no one except grandma-to-be wants to hear about your body functions for nine months, the grizzly details of each doctor visit, see pictures of your reproductive organs and be forced to endure an account (or good grief! actual footage!) of your labor and delivery. And they don't want a minute by minute update of what the little munchkin is doing after it's born either. They're just not that into you. Or your baby. Call grandma.

But then there's those damn billions of things no one talks about. I've spent the past three months looking for a single resource on pregnancy written for woman who haven't spent every waking moment since their own birth planning on having a baby, and you know what? They don't exist. Most of the literature and information out there not only pre-supposes that your heterosexual and married, but start from the assumption that you actually wanted to get pregnant in the first place. That you've been trying to conceive. Like on purpose. It's been your life's goal. And your delighted. What about the rest of us? The one's who weren't trying, who didn't know for weeks? Whose first response to the positive test result was not "Yippie! I'm pregnant!" but "OH FUCK I'M PREGNANT!" What about the long weeks of decision making and worry and, dare we speak of it? deep depression?

I'd though of writing such a book myself, something like, "The Guide to a Courtney Love Pregnancy," or, "Whoops!" but then I'd have to not only eat crow about my lifelong zero-population pushing and constant declarations that I would never, ever 'make' a baby, but would also have to take back all the mean things I've said about hack bloggers who think they can parlay their talentless drivel into a book deal. Cuz I'm not taking any of that back.

The good news is that I've crossed over into the delighted camp during this recent quiet time. The bad news is that I'm going to blather on about being pregnant from here on out, most likely.