Last night. Folding and putting away laundry. Living room and Bedroom TV set to the State of the Union.
[phone rings]
Me: (sour) Hello.
Zeebah: Ut-oh. You're watching it. I can hear the TV. You're watching it aren't you?
Me: Yeah. You?
Zeebah: Yeah. I said I wouldn't. But I am.
Me: Me too. I just thought...I don't know what I was thinking.
Zeebah: I know. Why do we punish ourselves?
[we watch]
Me: (snide laugh)
Zeebah: What?
Me: Oh nothing, he said "terror" again. I was listening to the radio earlier and they were talking about that drinking game, you know, where people drink each time he says "terror" and "freedom" and "September the 11th", and how there's just no sport in it, really. Might as well just open a bottle and take one big hour-long drink.
Zeebah: Listening to him makes me *feel* shit-faced, and I'm sober.
Me: There's your first problem. Listening to him sober. (long drink of wine, coincidentally on the word "freedom")
[quiet again]
Zeebah: Are you going to keep watching?
Me: (sighs) At this point I don't think I have a choice. You?
Zeebah: (sighs) I don't know. I'll see. Probably.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Zeebah: Okay, talk to you tomorrow.
[we hang up]
Half hour later G enters, home from work.
G: (registers what's on the TV, gets look of grave concern) Oh Babe! Aww, no! You're watching it? Why are you watching it? You know what this will do to you...
Me: I know, I know. I was just going to turn it on for a second. Have it on in the background, while I fold laundry. And then, you know.
G: Have you watched the whole thing?
Me: Yeah, from the beginning.
G: I'm too late, aren't I?
Me: (long drink) Yep.
[G joins me in the folding, eyes on the screen. We fold and listen.]
G: He still hasn't learned how to say nuclear.
Me: Huh?
G: Nuclear. He still says "nu-ku-ler".
Me: (long drink) Mmph.
[fold. listen. check supper.]
G: That was nice. The backhanded applause from the Dems over Social Security.
Me: I didn't see it.
G: Oh. Bush said "Congress did not act last year on my proposal to save Social Security" and the Dems stood and applauded.
Me: (long drink) Mmmph.
[fold, listen, check the dinner, return to folding]
Me: Do you think they seated the justices and other supposedly 'non-partisan' officials right up front on the Democratic side of the isle on purpose? So when they cut to a wide shot it looks like half of the room is opposition?
G: I don't get what you mean.
Me: Look, there, on the right of the screen. The first few rows of the Democratic isle are all supreme court justices and other judicial officials who aren't supposed to clap or react in any way to anything Bush is saying, because it would show partisanship. So when Bush says something universally agreed upon like "supporting our troops", and they do a full wide shot of everyone rising to their feet and applauding, visually it looks like the whole Republican side of the isle is behind supporting our troops, but half the Democrats are not. I think they did that on purpose.
G: You think?
Me: (long drink)
[listen. fold.]
G: So what are you cooking?
Me: Chicken. The chicken baked with the carrots and potatoes and parsnips. Lots of nutmeg and cinnamon.
G: Mmmm, rainy day Mom food. It sounds delicious.
Me: Too bad I'm not hungry. Fucking asshole.
G: What?
Me: (points to screen)
G: Oh.
(pause)
Me: (long drink) I'm sorry honey. I just put it on...while I was folding laundry, you know? And now...
G: I know, babe.
Did you catch it when he called for legislation banning the creation of “human-animal hybrids.”
Posted by: Will at February 2, 2006 03:17 AMI think Bush is a human-animal hybrid. Part man, part bird. It's the only explanation for his bird-brain. And why he likes to spend so much time in the brush.
Posted by: antigeist at February 2, 2006 08:54 AMSwitchgrass!!!
Posted by: mrX at February 2, 2006 03:39 PMYeah, I means to say, so much time in the "switchgrass."
So next question is...who owns/is currently investing in the largest switchgrass farm? I bet there's a crony at the end of that rainbow.
Posted by: antigeist at February 2, 2006 06:10 PM