This blog gets some strange email. Not just the stuff from fancy-pants literary types all in a snit over how I brutalize the English language with such abandon. Or their cousins, the punctuation police. Man, they're a testy bunch. I feel sorry for the writerly folks who find this blog. I do! Poor things...sitting in a coffee shop somewhere...laptop on the table next to their latte...smoke coming out of their ears because they happened to follow a link to my diary--and then had to be subjected to a sentence like this. Because, god, if you actually know how to use commas and dashes and ellipses and stuff, it's gotta be like nails dragging down a chalkboard. I can identify. I can't watch the house porn shows that set the home-owner amateurs loose to paint a room. *shudder*
Anyway those letters, though annoying, aren't strange. I'm talking about letters that, how do I explain?...there is no way to tell if the person is serious. If the person even exists. My bullshit detectors say the whole thing is a joke, that they're just being mean and fucking with me--but I'm never 100% sure. For instance, after a post I wrote going into great detail about our crazy ex-landlord, I received an email that said, in part: "...maybe you move up to new house and then you and fellow get married and he pay with your father."
Um. Okay. Now...could be someone mocking my situation, and the thick Russian accent of our former landlord (which I explained in detail), and the whole of feminism. Or it could be a well-meaning, albeit crazy and stupid person for whom English is a second language. I harbor no ill will toward stupid, crazy people, and have just slightest grasp of English myself, so I'd like to answer that person's email and thank them for their concern over my situation; if in fact they exist. But then, you don't want to play into the hands of a prankster either...what to do? What to do? Because contrary to what my potty-mouth and coarseness might lead you to believe, I'm actually a loving and gentle person. Bosom all filled with the milk of human kindness and such. Well, as much kindness milk an A-cup can hold.
So, I'll answer them here. They found me here, they can read their answer here. I won't post their emails...but think of it as part of the fun. A mystery.
Thus, I bring you...Thanks For Asking! Pay attention if you've written me a weird letter. If not, just go about your business. Or write me a stupid letter, whatever.
Posted by Antigeist at November 18, 2005 11:46 AM"THE PLAYS WITH IT IN
THE FOLLOWING WAYS":
IT DOES NOT USE BATTERY,
IT IS OPERATED WITH ECHO,
A Super-light megaphone with a
lot of enjoyments Such "ECHO
MIC" needs not to use the
power source which the real
megaphone requires, not it uses
loud speaker and amplifier etc.
With it, we can easily have
good time with the interesting
megaphone with echo.
"WE CAN PLAY WITH ITS ECHO."
One's mouth makes close to its
main body for speaking loudly
or singing songs. The skill
for one is to speak loudly
and then the better echo
we can have.
"IT CAN BE USED FOR ACHIEVING
GOOD EFFECT OF VOICE."
Except that it is used as
megaphone, shake the main
body lightly and you can get
the magic voice to meet the
occasional use.
But can it make for better echo with mom mom and pop pop and helpful female babysitter?
Thanks for asking!
Posted by: antigeist at November 18, 2005 01:49 PM