I have been reminded--because of the number of hits from creepy pedophilic porn trolling hentai loving donkey humpers who google such keyword gems like "daddy fucks teenage daughter real hard" and arrive at MY website-- that I have a little problem with the swearing. Or typing the swearing. Well, I swear a lot in person too, which would explain why the children in my life suddenly introduce phrases like "ass-monkey" into their vocabulary shortly after one of my visits.
So in one of my countless pointless attempts to better myself, I thought I'd give not swearing (so much) a try. Clean it up around here. And in doing so let the net creeps find more jerk-off friendly web content elsewhere. (Because although this site contains a graphical representation of a female, I'm guessing it wasn't what Mr. Feelgood was looking for when he typed "Body Doll" into MSN Search and wound up here.)
I have no clear plan for achieving my goal. I thought I could replace my regular arsenal of no-no words with nonsensical words and word groupings, but it's harder than you think. They don't have that punch, that glottal click the real deal provides. As Dr. Bill Cosby has proved with his career (but not his personal life), you can't make socially irreverent and edgy out of milquetoast. A "Flarn" does not a fuck make. It's utterly unsatisfying and somewhat insulting to boot. The dropped letters and misspeaks are even worse. A six year old knows that "gull dang" is just "God Dammed" deposed, and calling someone an "F-er" or an "A-hole" is only going to draw attention to your geek-wadedness and thus, your pummelability. No one wants that.
So anyway. I'm going to try cut down. But I welcome any and all suggestions of family-friendly, yet soul-satisfying swear words. Like 'jumpin jehosaphat' with a little cocknobber thrown in.
Posted by Antigeist at June 27, 2005 04:29 PMSeriously? Just drop a letter or two and add a & or *. You know I do it... I cuss like a f*cking sailor both online and in real life. Gets the point across and evades the nasties.
Posted by: z at June 27, 2005 05:05 PMz's suggestion is good for writing. i don't know how it would work in speech, although that would be really cool, if you could learn to speak xhosa.
i find spelling things out to be an awful lot of fun. like, the boy's music teacher last year was a see you in tea.
there's also foreign words, which serve the dual purpose of sounding bad AND motivating kids in earshot to learn foreign languages.
kein likes "what the tick?" and "oh, rubber!"
Posted by: anne at June 28, 2005 01:28 AMI got here by googling "glottal click". Boy am I disappointed.
Posted by: monk at June 28, 2005 08:33 AM