Avast ye, wee literati!

The little retro clothing shop on my block has closed down; not that I'll miss it. I stepped foot in there exactly once, and promptly stepped right back on out--partly because of the "You are soooo NOT cool enough to shop here" hairy eyeball the sales girl shot my way, but mostly because of their inventory. 80's stuff, which, well...is useless to me. I know a neon striped t-shirt with a zipper on it is fresh and fun for someone born in 1985, but not for someone who was in high school in 1985--by then slouch boots and loud geometric prints were worn by people we called "posers" who bought their "new wave" gear at the Merry Go Round chain in the mall. THE MALL. You totally look like Pat Benatar might be a compliment today, but twenty years ago it was the pre-curser to a catfight.

So I'm not going to miss the 80's store, which, according to the flyers in the window, is soon to become a pirate supplies shop. Yeah, you read right. A pirate supplies shop. I know, I know...what took so long, right? I've been pretty excited about all the sundry pirate supplies soon to be at my disposal, as the neighborhood has been lacking such. Not to mention the influx of pirates the store will undoubtedly bring.

Then I had brunch with the deliciously-tall-and-delightful Zeebah over the weekend, who informed me that there's another pirate supply shop in California, owned by Dave Eggers, which is actually a front for some writing workshop for kids. She wondered if it was not a coincidence, if Mr. Eggers was opening another workshop here in Williamsburg.

Man, I hope not. What a fucking disappointment. I mean, I'm all for the kiddies getting their writerly goodness on, but what about the needs of pirates? How will they feel when they find out their only supply store on the East Coast is actually a sarcastic statement? A Staggering Heartbreaking Sham? Clever goes a long way in the McSweeney circles, but you can't use clever for a peg-leg.

Will the irony never end, people?