Antigeist

Three cheers for the easily amused.

Thanks to a gift from a good friend who shall remain nameless lest she perish from the horror of association, we are now the proud owners of a Baa Humbug candy shitting sheep. It is the most wildly amusing thing ever. No, I'm not being sarcastic. The three of us had that thing crapping out the fun for like three hours last night.

As shown in the picture, it's a small plastic sheep you fill with the included jelly beans, then you press his back, and his tail raises, and one or two beans are dispensed from his behind, thus giving the appearance the sheep 'shat' them out. Sheer...delight. So much so, we ripped through those jelly beans in no time, and proceeded to refill his anal cavity with any and all matter of things--in order of what would fit, and what would be the most disturbing.

The jelly beans were good. They were brown and distinctly poop-like, if you could overlook the glossy sheen and uniform shape, which is very un-poop-like, and the fact that they were cola flavored, which is also very un-poop-like...I'm guessing. So we switched to pomegranate seeds, which dispensed quite nicely, but whose ruby-red color ultimately made us feel sad for the sheep. Instead of the wholesome fun of pretending to eat sheep poop, it was like we were witnessing the last moments of some poor beast dying of incurable colon cancer. Anyway, we ran out. Next nameless friend balled up little pieces of toilet paper for the sheep to crap, which was nice. Like puffy clouds of poo, that cleaned his bum upon exit. But sadly the toilet paper unraveled a bit in his belly, forcing nameless friend to have to perform an emergency colonoscopy with a pair of tweezers. The sheep pulled through fine. So we were on to chocolate chips. The chocolate chips were the shit, as the kids say nowadays. Perfect color, fitting barnyard 'cowpie' shape. And chocolate. Ummmm. Totally satisfying in every way, delighting all five senses. Much better than anything I've stuffed up his ass afterward. Like walnuts and wasabi peas.

Posted by Antigeist at November 17, 2004 12:04 PM