Antigeist

We are the goon squad and we're coming to town. Beep beep.

Fashion serves only to confuse and/or disgust me anymore. It's probably because I'm getting older, becoming the woman who mutters Her mother let her leave the house like that? whenever I pass a teenage girl on the street. I don't know. I can pinpoint when my confusion started though: the mid-nineties, when guys were wearing their pants at their knees. I understood the look's predecessor, the low-slung baggy jeans with boxers peeking out...it was relaxed, cheeky. But when it devolved into cinching a pair of pants at your knees with a belt? That lost me. How counter productive. It seems like having three yards of fabric bunched around your ankles--and your ass hanging out--kinda negates any 'I'm a criminal, a gangster... fear me' vibe you might be trying to work. Grown men with sour-pusses waddling around like ducklings. I'm sorry, but there's absolutely nothing intimidating about a duckling.

Anyway, that trend was when I officially lost touch with fashion.

Recently G and I saw a woman on the train who was deliberately advertising her contraceptive patch...the only thing we could surmise, since was wearing pants that would have concealed the square just fine, had she not intentionally rolled down the waistband several inches so the patch, placed just above the pubic line, would be in plain view. Explain that one to me. Hi, I'm willing to have unprotected sex with you. We were stumped. Now I know Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopez used to work the whole condom monocle thing back in the day, but even a fan like me has to admit she was a seriously crazy bitch who, if fucked with, would burn down your house. God rest her soul.

The super-stumper, the top of my you've-got-to-be-kidding-me list, was found at one of the craptiques* in my neighborhood. A pair of jeans that had a swath of fabric sewn into the back of the (ever-so-low) waistband, to give the appearance of one's thong underpants peeking through. So you can get the sexy look of having your thong peeking out of your pants, without the discomfort of actually having to wear one. A dickie for your jeans. This is how far we've come. What's worse is the jeans only came in children's and pre-teen sizes. Ass dickies for eight year olds.

*a boutique that sells sub-standard ready-to-wear and cheap knock-offs while blaring loud techo or Spanish pop music.

Posted by Antigeist at September 20, 2004 12:31 PM