Antigeist

I'll wager.

In my former contractor days I used a formula to figure out how long it would take to complete a job. I'd simply estimate how long it should take, then double it and add a half. So a one-day project, painting a kitchen for example, will take two and a half. A three week job, like an addition on a house? Seven and a half weeks. The formula is startlingly accurate.

The extra time needed is not the fault of the contractor or the do-it-yourselfer. It's Murphy's fault. The creator of the laws which assure no matter how simple the task, no matter how adept you may be at completing it, something will fuck up so royally you will rue the day you were born. Anyone who has ever set aside an hour for a minor repair (like replacing a washer on a faucet) and found themselves staring into a gaping hole in the wall a week later --cursing at two stripped, corroded valve stems that cannot be removed from the Paleolithic-era plumbing to which they are attached-- knows what I'm talking about. Another related golden rule is this: Never, and I mean NEVER utter the words "How hard could it be?" or its certain-to find-you-drunk-and-weeping-in-a-corner follow up, "All you have to do is..."

So you see, the formula allows for the unavoidable.

There are three men in my kitchen right now bringing new electric wiring up from the basement. We are to have a outlet there, another in the bathroom, and a breaker box in the hall. To do this they've had to cut hundreds of small holes in the hallway walls so they may feed the wiring upward through the building, and over to each destination. Once here, in our apartment, the wiring will be attached to a new breaker, and fed out to the outlets and light switches. That completed, the dust has to be removed, the feed holes have to be plastered and sanded and painted, and final clean-up follows. These men assure me they will be done by the end of the day today.

One thousand dollars says Thursday. Any takers?

Posted by Antigeist at July 19, 2004 10:41 AM