Missed his calling as Press Secretary

*telephone ring*
Landlord:(thick Russian accent) Hullo?
Me: Oh, Hi. This is K & G, in 1A? We don't have any heat.
LL: Yes, heat is on.
Me: I can assure you the heat is NOT on, it's freezing in here.
LL: Yes it is, Keyspan come and fixed it.
Me: I don't think they fixed it. The heat went on that day, the day they came, but it hasn't gone on since.
LL: No, they sent me bill for fixing, heat is now on.
Me: I don't think you understand, the heat came on when the repairman was here, but it shut off later that day...I'm trying to tell you it hasn't come back on again since October the 22nd.
LL: Well maybe it's not so cold enough for heat to go on.
Me: It's thirty six degrees outside.
LL: Outside. But inside...? It has to be cold inside for heat to come on.
Me: (stifling a rage) It's cold enough inside, right now it's just under sixty degrees in this building.
LL: What's the thermostat set on?
Me: 80
LL: 80?! I can't pay so tenants can walk around like summer!
Me: It wasn't always on eighty, we turned it up all the way to see if it would make the heat go on. The point is that the boiler is not coming on at all.
LL: Your problem is I think maybe you need put thermostat down to 65.
Me: How will that make the boiler go on?
LL: Boiler will go on when it is cold enough.
Me: It IS cold enough, I just said it's not even sixty. Even if the thermostat was set to 65 the boiler should have fired already.
LL: Yes. You set to 65, when it gets cold enough heat will come on. How to make you understand?
Me: How to make me?.....I don't think you understand what the problem is. No matter how cold it gets the heater never, ever goes on.
LL: Yes, cold outside. When it's cold enough inside, heat will go on. I have to go now, I don't have time to explain so many things.
Me: But...
LL: (click.)

Posted by Antigeist at November 11, 2003 10:24 AM