Reason #37 why I should not bear children

Each of the other patrons where I ate lunch today shared the same look of relief and gratitude when my very pregnant (due tomorrow) girlfriend, her two year old daughter and I finally got up to leave. I could think of nothing that might explain their sour pusses. It never occured to me for a second our fellow luncheoners could find displeasure in an hour filled with top-of-one's voice odes to the french fry, squeals of horror when a crayon dropped to the floor, peals of laughter when it was retrieved after lengthy furniture moving maneuvers, utter rapture when a face would peek-a-boo behind a napkin, endless trips to the bathroom to play with the sink, kicking and rolling and jumping over unoccupied booths, a spirited game of 'catch me!' as the waiter was delivering trays of food...I mean really! This child is an angel! The most well-behaved, intelligent, easygoing company one could ask for. I was baffled by the gas-face. Had they no soul? What kind of freak doesn't want a two year old running around when they're trying to have a quiet lunch? Barren child haters?

And she's not even MY kid. I'd be the one sitting behind you at the midnight showing of some R rated slasher movie wondering what the hell all the dirty looks are about when my infant starts caterwauling. Because my kid would be exemplary.

Posted by Antigeist at September 2, 2003 03:15 PM