Phone: *ringgggg*
Me: Hello?
Mom: What makes you happy?
Me: What?
Mom: You know, what makes you happy. I mean really happy.
Me: Oh Christ, it's not time for another one of your "follow your bliss" conversations is it...
Mom: Now just...
Me: because I don't think I'm in the mood for it tonight.
Mom: Why are you so negative?
Me: Okay Mom, I love dish soap.
Mom: I'm being serious...
Me: So am I, dish soap makes me happy. Now go ahead and do your thing where you tell me how I can turn my love of dish soap into a new religion and a stellar, multi-million dollar career.
Mom: (silence)
Me: Go ahead.
Mom: Never mind, your in a place, I can tell.
Me: I'm not in a place
Mom: A real BAD PLACE.
Me: Fine, perhaps I am.
Mom: (pause) Well?
Me: Well what...?
Mom: Well, what makes you happy?
Me: Dish soap.
Mom: You're impossible.
Me: Maybe so, but if you (with growing vocal drama) loved me you'd approve of my undying love of dish soap and accept me as I am: A dirty dish soap lover...
Mom: (groan)
Me: ...A woman for whom dish soap is the only means of deriving happiness.
Mom: What's that racket? Oh...I get it, you're doing dishes.
Me: Yep.
Mom: So if I'd called a half hour ago and asked what makes you happy...what would your answer have been then?
Me: Cheese.
Mom: Cheese?
Me: Would'a been the first thing to spring to mind... since I was eating a big block of Brie.
Mom: Mmmmm, Brie.
Me: Gotta love it
Mom: ...cheese makes me happy too.
Me: So why don't you make cheese? Why are you doing what your doing instead of pursuing a career in the fine art of cheese making?
Mom: Because I don't want to.
Me: But you just said cheese makes you happy...
Mom: Well, yeah, but I don't want to make cheese. I just want to eat it.
Me: ahhhh... dialectic.
Mom: What?
Me: Never mind.