Sweet Home Alabama is the worst movie ever made. Now you might be saying, "But what about Gymkata, or Cool as Ice, or all those Look Who's Talking nightmares?" And you'd be wrong. Sweet Home Alabama is the worst movie ever made. It is not worth the price they paid for the celluloid. It is an insult to the film industry, to the not-usually-awful stars who participated in the project, one's intelligence, taste, and humanity, and therefore every living thing. Let me repeat: it is the worst movie ever made.
The next logical question would be what the hell was I thinking when I rented the damn thing in the first place, and to that I'd like to say... I HAD to.
See...we watch a lot of movies around here. Tons. We fall into that category of New Yorkers who (since they LIVE in New York) can't afford to DO anything in New York, well, anything that involves a waiter, a cover, or a two drink minimum. It cost fifty dollars to leave the freaking house in NYC, so we try to limit all that 'leaving the house' stuff to $3 trips to video store.
And not only do we watch a lot of movies, but we always have, independently of one another. Which makes it so -- no matter the rental place-- we can immediately write off 95% of their inventory right off the bat, inevitably leaving us with the picked-over remains of the 'new releases' to choose from. Which brings me to the last problem.
The only video store within walking distance is terrible. Any film that doesn't star Martin Lawrence or Vin Diesel is considered an "art film", which, according to the Italian olde-world proprietors, are for "queers" and "hipsters", and although I've never seen them be rude or disrespectful to a person they assumed was "queer" or appeared to be a "hipster" I get the feeling Uncle Vinchenzo doesn't want to cater to that particular demographic. So there's that.
Which leaves me staring at a 'new release' rack last night with the choice of only one, literally, one film left on the shelf that we haven't seen, a boyfriend at home who just threw his back out and can't get off the couch, and ice cream melting in my ghetto cart outside. See, I HAD to.
Just trust me on this one; if you find yourself standing at the video place in front of the comely visage of Reese Witherspoon, and it's late, and your tired, and you've got a sick sweetie at home, and your ice cream is melting, and your glassy-eyed from indecision, and quiet little voice inside your head pipes up with "How bad could it be?" I'm here to tell you... Sweet Home Alabama is the worst movie ever made. Grab that Vin Diesel movie instead. Really.
Posted by Antigeist at April 19, 2003 11:30 AMUm. How DO you feel about Sweet Home Alabammy, kd? ;)
We find ourselves in the same predicament often, at what sounds like a similar neighborhood place, cept the people who run it are young and rude. I dread not finding something on the new release rack... when that happens, picking out a movie from the crap they have is bound to be a 50 hour process.
Posted by: zeebah at April 21, 2003 02:16 PMI know, I know... I can be vague.
And I don't mind saying I'm talking about Doer's on Graham avenue. They just suck...but are about eight blocks closer than the next best, which is as mediocre, so why bother?
And anyway, I've become disinchanted with the likes of Reel Life and it's ilk on Bedford. Picking out a movie is hard enough without all the fucking scrutiny (of your clothes, your hair, your date, your rental choice, your recent art installation [or lack thereof], etc, etc,)
Posted by: antigeist at April 21, 2003 04:36 PMI knew you were talking about Doers!
Posted by: zeebah at April 21, 2003 10:35 PM