The Alpha 10, a spacecraft belonging to PHOENIX [a galactic
do-gooder organization in our sci-fi mythology], has lacked a definite
form ever since its conception last November, though both W. and I drew
sketches (which we argued about). Then, as we were watching Star Trek
IV last night at the West Dade Library, he commented, "That's what the
Alpha 10 should look like." Actually, my original drafts were
loosely based on the Klingon "Bird of Prey" craft to which he was
referring; today in school I used the time in which we are supposed to do
HW to sketch ideas. Finally, I drew a better plan at home this evening
(after trying to build a model out of Play-Doh -- it was too flimsy &
besides, looked rather obscene). I would have called W. immediately to
discuss the design, but earlier we had gotten into an argument. I had
made several comments (on things he had said) in quick succession, which
irritated him. I told him, "You always tell me 'You never objected to
this or that when I mentioned it before, etc. etc.', so I'm objecting now
to anything I disagree w/ to settle arguments in the future." This
irritated him further. Within a few minutes, the conversation was
suddenly rerouted and abruptly became the Amadeus argument.



[The "Amadeus argument" was a bizarre long-running feud between W. and I.
I claimed that W. had seen the movie "Amadeus" in the theater with me when
it had first come out in 1984; W. denied he had done any such thing. I
have no idea why we were still arguing with such passion about this three
years later.]



For some reason, he's started bringing this up again in the last 5-6 mos,
after we'd both agreed not to. He goes into a tirade about how he may
have no proof, but he is still right & I am wrong. I, of course, gave my
usual reply: In my mind, you did see Amadeus w/ me. Our viewpoints are
conflicting & we both have the same amount of evidence to support them,
i.e. nothing. This always provokes him further, as if it somehow shows
that I, in not being as muleheaded as he, do not have as strong a
conviction about my view & thus am wrong. Unfortunately, things did not
improve. He started talking about how he was not one to drop an argument,
as if it were somehow an admirable trait. After he repeated this several
times, I hung up out of annoyance & just plain boredom.



Looking back, I've noticed several things. Piecing together the way
things suddenly shifted track w/ similar such abrupt derailments in the
past made me realize the fact that he was using the whole thing as a
disguise for a temper tantrum. It really was a shameless indulgence, & I
am insulted by the fact that he has red an old wound & made it into a
coping mechanism.



In any case, I talked to [our mutual friend] T. later that evening, & T.
decided to call W.; W. was in a calm mood luckily (though earlier he'd
pulled another one of his "Oh...goodbye" conversation-enders on T.--T.
called him from the museum while working the switchboard, & mentioned that
he'd be going out of town soon, to NY, Boston, & Philadelphia (I think);
W. said, after a pause, "Oh...(pause)...goodbye").



At the library, I got Invisible Cities back from W. (also The
Joshua Tree by U-2) which he had borrowed the day before; we'd tried
to go to a movie Saturday, but ended up going to T.'s to spend the night,
after which W. came here for Sunday afternoon. Besides I.C., I've
got several other Calvino books out; right now I'm reading If On A
Winter's Night A Traveler, which I started today.



[Part II]



Calvino & Jung (I'm still working thru Psych. & Religion: West &
East) should keep me occupied for much of the rest of summer. This is
turning out to be a rather bland period (though the trip and our cat's
death, & perhaps my cousins' visit, are exceptions), compared to last
summer, which I once thought was rather meaningless. But I've come to the
conclusion that it [the previous summer] really was a great summer; [the
gifted summerschool program at] Florida International University (the last
year), W., P., Hilary [a girl I'd had a crush on during that time], the
field trips, esp. Venetian Pool (one of the best days of my life!)... it
was everything a summer should be. It certainly was a break with the old:
no more FIU summerschool, or South Central Gifted, no more junior high,
the Childhood's End I felt at the end of the 85-86 school year & into the
summer, like the day of the dark & light sky. It was, in fact, perhaps as
meaningful as the 83 summer, though for diff. reasons. It was the last
joyride, the final fling, because we'd be going our separate ways soon &
we all knew it. We? Our teachers, and just the gifted group in general,
even though its original members had almost all changed. W. & I were the
survivors, the veterans of the First Age; we alone lived through to - what
was beyond. What's that? After a year in the New Age (which I dreaded in
my nightmares, knowing absolutely nothing about what to expect upon
leaving the familiar time...) I'm still not exactly sure.



My mother said earlier tonight, "If you ever have a daughter name her
Hilary. It's a beautiful name." I agreed, thinking silently of Hilary.
I wondered aloud what the name meant. My dad said it meant Laughter, & I
agreed, recalling that I had checked it once. Laughter: that's what last
summer was about, as we drank a last toast on the eve of Ragnarok; we
looked back at all that had come to pass in almost 3 & a half years with a
melancholy farewell, & finally, after the terminal celebration was ended &
The Time had Come, we turned our eyes towards the Incomprehensible,
holding in our hearts only the laughter we had briefly shared.
Then...